Apologies for yet another post today – (and please don’t miss out on my work craft blasts. However, I’m sure you’ll understand my anguish when you have a look at the following

On Yahoo! news I was of course intrigued to see the following photo of my craftual cohorts’ apparent relative:. Duckies in the news! I was chuffed.

Then I read the headline: Can this duck make your child sick?

Things have gone too far!!! Today, ducks are demonized… what tomorrow? They could be coming after your dog or cat next…

Please, please consider writing one – nay, many – strong letters to your politicians. These duck rights abuses must stop… NOW.

Signing off to start writing and phoning…

Kristina

Hello all: and happy anniversary to Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, who was a former prince of Greece although he is not Greek. Go figure. I like to think of myself as a Princess of Greece, but am sad to report that they missed my respective families in the selection process for this high honour.

Now for a news flash!!! Apparently, rubber duckies
are now threatened by mass destruction and decimation!! Click (here
to see how you can help!!

And now for some craft blasts from the past. My Duty Counsel colleague Adelaide (who is the longest serving permanent Tenant Duty Counsel in Ontario and a staunch defender both of tenants’ rights and of the rights of her coworkers, has kindly agreed to model for this photo of one of my knits (which is now hers):

Doesn’t she look lovely? And isn’t that a fancy purse? (I had nothing to do with selecting her purse, I’m sad to confess.)

The knitted T-shirt she is modelling was a staff gift in honour of her 65th birthday last year (and that in itself will tell you how committed she is to tenants – still on the job every day).

It was knitted in Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece and is a close cousin to this top that I kept for myself:

Both were made from a pattern from Knitters’ Magazine, Spring 2005 edition.

Next up is a little something I’m taking to the office today to put up: a felted bulletin board!

This is a Treasure from Trash made last summer or thereabouts. I scored a (rather ugly, to my view) sweater at Goodwill, and decided to felt it and sew pieces back together as a little sewing exercise. I have put this up on the blog before (I can’t find the post for it!) but like the floating effect in this newer picture better… heh heh.

And here is some Frankensteinish detail. It’s supposed to be herringbone stitch but it turned out more like cross-stitch, unfortunately.
And some more lame sewing:

detail

However, the end result should jazz up the office (not that it probably needs it…)

And now onto something that will never jazz up my office, courtesy of the Presto cookbook which has fascinated me so greatly over the past few days…

Now – this I have to confess I like – at least the colour. But I can never acquire a serving dish which resembles an indentured servant for my house. My leftie credentials would be shot completely. I’d probably lose my job and end up having to find my own cart to push around to collect beer and liquor bottles to pay my rent.

This, on the other hand, would be an excellent addition to my household:
I think it’s really cute. I can only hope that I will be the first one to spot it when they put it out at the Value Village. There might be bloodshed if I view it in someone else’s cart…

And now for something completely different…

A destroyed law text! While ripping it to shreds, I half expected the Law Lords of Centuries Past to throw scrolls down upon my head…

I’m now having fun plotting to deface it further. Stay tuned.

I do hope that Adelaide approves… I haven’t shared my nefarious plan with her as yet. And here is another “strike the pose!” shot…

You’ll note the fancy beautiful purse in the righthand most side of the photo, on the table. Just in case you thought I walked away with it…

And, in parting, someone far less pretty than Adelaide. I came up with Kristina’s first Photoshop item … (I downloaded a free trial last night…) which my Canadian friends might get a kick out of:

(For others, “Carmen Mulroney” is an ex-Prime Minister who has been in the news again of late because he has some questionable past associates. The Man in the Moon is our current PM, Harper).

Cheers,

Kristina

…although my life would be a whole heck of a lot easier if I looked like her.

Maybe I should clarify something about the subject line. I don’t really want to be alone. However, I will admit that I am not the easiest person in the world to live with (I hope that my mother is not enjoying a beverage as she reads it, else it will be projecting out her nose momentarily).

Among other reasons, this is because my natural habitat is Slobus tremendosis. You will probably have gathered that I preferred to put up a second post today (Here is the first.). As JJ is not the neatest person in the world either, and is prone to squirreling away piles of paper in particular, this makes for a rather chaotic home environment at times.

In this regard, I’ve recently come across some vintage cookbooks and have had cause to wonder about how I can make some changes. See how happy these women look?

This is an ad from the back of one Presto Cookbook, circa early 1950s. For my part, I have never thought that it was fun to “keep house” in any way, shape or form.

So, I thought I’d start to reform my errant ways by consulting the cookbook and making JJ a nice hearty home-cooked meal for when he returns from work this evening. I don’t mind cooking.

However, sadly, nothing that Presto had to offer quite appealed (you can look forward to the reasons why tomorrow).

So, it seems as though I’ll be stuck with this option instead:

NB: I have gathered that JJ might not be 100% happy with being quoted on line. He has not said so, but keeps looking suspiciously at me when I’m drafting these blog posts and sitting here chortling to myself. So – you’ll have to put up with only my side of the conversation for the time being. His part is represented by ellipses. My apologies as JJ is far more entertaining than I – and has a cuter accent as well.

“Honey, I thought we’d dine al fresco tonight! I know it’s November and all, and it’s only 4 degrees (39F in America!!!), but I thought since the leaves are still on the trees…!”

(Can opener and everything. I’m very impressed with myself. Having said that, things are so much easier for the modern homemaker these days…

Hmm… maybe I could find someone to buy the can opener? It’s Starfrit!!! I should be able to get at least $10…

“Oh… I gave you mini ravioli to take to work for your lunch today already? Hmm. Well, you can just have the beans then…”

…

“You don’t want beans? What do you mean you don’t want beans… you’re british! You went and paid $3 a tin for Heinz beans in Tomato Sauce from England at that shop in Cobourg last year! Are you telling me you don’t like Canadian beans? What the hell is the matter with you!!”

…

“Oh sorry, you’re not British, you’re Scottish. I keep forgetting. Anyway, how can they be so different?! They’re beans. They’re even by Heinz’s for godsake. Only the Canadian ones cost 75 cents a can at the No Frills instead of $3 a can, and you don’t have to trot all over Toronto or drive all the way to that overpriced britisher shop in Stratford to get them! Might as well just make that $5 a can, including gas… “

…

“I know I keep buying feta from Greece when the Canadian stuff is half the price. That’s different.”

…

“No, I don’t have any proper sausage rolls. I only have those ones from President’s Choice that you refuse to eat because they have chicken in them instead of beef or pork.”

….

“Yes, I know the President’s Choice people are a shower of wankers for making chicken sausage rolls and fooling people into buying them by not putting “chicken” in big print. We’ve had this conversation before. A few times, in fact.”

….

Yes, I can make scotch pies but they’ll take 40 minutes.”

….

“I can’t use the microwave because you broke the plate in it… remember?!? OPA!!!”

….

“Oh, skase [shuddup!] Just get yourself a drink, would you?!?”

“There’s none left? Well, whose fault is that? You know I don’t touch the stuff…! It smells like varnish.”

….

” ‘So says the craftaholic glue sniffer’ “… ha ha, very clever, JJ. Why don’t you just have some of this instead?”

“Yes, yes, I know it’s eyetalian muck and it looks like bile to boot. You’re the one who bought it, not me! There’s nothing else left!”

…?????????

….

“No, there’s no 12 left either… you polished it off the last time you ran out of White and Mackay!”

…

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember, actually. You had finished off half a 40 of scotch and then you hit the ouzo? Which came all the way from Greece, mind you.”

…

” ‘Via the Dupont Street LCBO’ “, yes, I’ll concede that. But I had been saving it for a special occasion…
…..

“Not ‘the next time I run out of Keith’s”, no. I never run out of Keith’s. That’s because I know when to go and replenish my stock.”

….

“Why should I have to replenish your stock too? I go to the Beer Store for my stuff. It’s too expensive at the LCBO. Besides, you just passed the LCBO today on your way home from work!”

….

“No, we’re not calling Dial-A-Bottle. Don’t you remember they ripped us off last time and you ended up with a bottle of Bell’s that you don’t even like and that ended up costing $65.00 or something ridiculous like that?!”

….

“Sure I can order liquor ‘on the line’… that’s ‘online’, by the way. But we won’t get it tonight.”

….

“This ‘damned machine of mine’ is quite useful for many other purposes, actually…”

And so forth, and so on. I really don’t know how they did it in the 1950s and kept smiling.
Hmm… maybe I’ve been staring at this item on my work bulletin board too often?

Good news: I just found this, which I had stashed under the sink to use in greek boozy stews…
… because this helpmeet stuff is enough to drive me to…I really don’t know how they did it in the 50s!

On that note, off to clean the Augean stables…er, the bedroom….

At least, my side of the bedroom. JJ can bloody well clean his own.

On second thought, I think I’ll pass on the bedroom and head out to the Store of Liquors – a move more calculated to promote household harmony. And I can stop at the churrasco and pick up a Portuguese chicken for dinner…

Hmm. Maybe I have figured out this happy homemaker bit after all… !

…or so says Steve Singh. I agree heartily.

Sadly, however, in my case, art and commerce often intersect. I – queen of Value Village, stashbusting and late night laundry room trash hunting forays – do not want to tell you how much I shelled out at Loomis and Curry’s yesterday on this stuff:
So, what’s all this then! My newest foray into the crafting world, inspired by the fabulous work of Brian Sawyer

I get to deface a book and call it art!!!!

This is the book in question (which I am using with the kind permission of the author).
No commentary intended on the quality of the book itself – this was the closest thing we landlord/tenant types had to a Bible until the statute recently changed and the new Gospel According to Jack came down from on high.

Rather, the book fits my intended theme perfectly – Feudalism in the Modern Age. We’ll see if it works.

On top of the book is an angel hole cutter. Check this out!

Legal angels! Courtesy of my weekly professional reading requirement:
(I read it already. I promise. I didn’t just look at the job ads like everyone else does…)

Anyway, a great excuse for some cool new art toys. And I’m sure JJ will be thrilled when he comes home from work to find the kitchen table covered with the latest socio-political-artistic endeavour. I can just hear him now. “Oh, grrrrrrreat, some morrrre piles of crrrap in the living room.”

Here, for the record, is one of JJ’s living room piles of crrrrrap – and it’s not Scottish, so I can say that!

NB: the maps were a laundry room find last evening. JJ was enthralled. And now I have something to throw back at him the next time he rolls his eyes when I say I’m heading down to the laundry room without laundry.

And, here’s another:

They who live in glass hooses shouldnae throw stones, ey Jimmy?

(I will not use the word “Jock”, even in jest. It’s forbidden in this house. Were I to even think about using it, JJ – far away at work – would know, and would invoke the spirit of William Wallace to come and smite me where I sit.

Even though JJ is actually Irish …[ducking to avoid the sword of Braveheart]).

But, again, I digress. I should note that there are many items here which are from the Stash of Brouhaha:

Leftover playing cards from law school days! Some people preferred to meet at the Duke of York and play hearts and 21 rather than attend class. Not me, of course. However, I did teach them 31 (the greek version of 21 – we Greeks have been such trendsetters for aeons. Unlike, mind you, the Scottishers who just ran around painting themselves blue for centuries and couldn’t even fight off the pantywaist English… I’d better duck!). Hours of amusement…

Memories of Refrigerators Past.

This, for the historical record, is the current JB Household Fridge Display:
And you know I’m not going to let this one go with just one photo…

Gotta Love the Dollar Store!
A little light pinko humour:

Akbar and Jeff – my favourite cartoon!

Warning: Adult content ahead!

This is JJs contribution to the fridge decor. It was one of the few things he brought with him when emigrating from Scotland. It’s actually the back of a business card:

Ah, those Brits. Such a sense of style and class! Sounds like my kind of pub, actually…

Requisite Landlord/Tenant legal commentary:

And on that note, back to the main topic – artistic commentary on the state of the law…

Some more stash items:

luxury (but free) glossies from the Store of Liquors. And, yesterday’s fun at work: reproducing Landlord and Tenant Board decisions on coloured paper:

(check out this paragraph.

If anyone can give me a good reason why the member put the word “whorehouse” in quotation marks, it’s worth a pint of Keith’s.)

Anyway, onwards and upwards! Must clean the house before starting on this. Hey Jock! D’ye think Braveheart would help with a spot of pile-shifting???)

But before I leave you, please note that on this day in 1558, the Virgin Queen succeeded to the throne of England. (Help!! Braveheart is coming for me…!!!!!aaugugughghghgh….).

Well, it’s now official: “A Woman’s Work is Never Done” is a series!

Behold the potscrubber for the woman who has everything!! I think this is an ideal shower present for that friend who is about to marry into money, anyway. A real heirloom piece to be passed down through the generations of maids that cycle through the mansion in Forest Hill or Rosedale…

Now, you could always save yourself some money and time and grab some of these:
these – or , if money is no object, their nearest equivalent on the wedding registry at William Ashley

Or, this, apparently, would be a welcomed gift for the blushing bride-to-be:

But those wouldn’t be so nearly personal – nor would they have the tremendous symbolism that your art piece will carry! And – it’s practical. Form and function combined make a beautiful thing, don’t they?
The potscrubber base was knitted in

• merino wool (symbolising the warmth of the new indoor gas-fired hearth)
• flax (denoting homespun antiquity, and also providing in practical terms an extra scrubber and polisher for those stubborn stains)
• cotton (I liked the pretty pastel colours)

Crochet detail was then added using sari silk, Handmaiden Curlilocks, Handmaiden Silken and Super 10 cotton.

Care of finished item: With this combination of fibres, one might think that cleaning it might be a problem. Not necessarily – or not, at least, a problem with which you need to concern yourself.

Cold water is advised for all cleaning operations to avoid shrinkage in odd places – but your friend’s maid should be able to figure it out, as that is what she will be paid (a pittance) for to accomplish…

The piece, you will note, is centred by a highly practical raised cable design, intended to maximise that elbow grease (your friend would not want the maid incapicitated during the course of her work. Highly inconvenient – and time consuming having to find a replacement).
Digression: This was actually a little boo-boo in the making of Samus the Original for JJ last year. Can you see the booboo? JJ couldn’t but for me it might as well have been surrounded by traffic cones and flashing lights.

I’m glad in retrospect that I didn’t follow my first impulse to fling it off the balcony…I even recovered sufficiently to make

Please note the symbolic pink on blue, denoting the about to be very, very happy couple (accordingly to every bridal mag I’ve been forced to look at, anyway…)

The hemp spiral represents both a shift back to simpler times and our modern impetus toward green living (your friend should ensure that her maid recycles properly, hauling non-collectibles to the depot on the bus when necessary, of course).

These symbolic prison bars made of teal cotton poke gentle fun at the notion that marriage is constraining… as well as a cautionary note about the potential peril of marrying into a situation which will ultimately be impossible to afford to leave. Please note the gilt edging on the top of the bars…
… and the twists and turns that your friend will face in her married life as a doyenne of the Toronto corporate culture and a “lady who lunches”.

The colourful sari silk edging is means to symbolise luxury such as that enjoyed by some during the British Raj. You may wish to modify the yarn choice if the lucky groom-to-be is not of The green, of course, symbolises the many baubles that your friend can hope to enjoy in her new life. It would be a nice touch to pick a colour approximating that of her birthstone (mine is peridot, hence the bright green).

Two sides of the piece are left “blank” for practical purposes… and most certainly your friend’s made will appreciate the extra free scrubbing surface. The piece is approximately 18″ x 6″ – more than big enough to tackle that 20 litre pasta pot which is no doubt found on your friend’s wedding registry.

Please feel free to make a potscrubber for yourself as a gift for that special someone who is about to enter a very charmed life indeed! (Alternatively, if you want to ensure that you never get invited to a wedding shower again, just make one of these and skip out on the wedding shower registry).

I’m having fun with these washcloths, obviously… and once I have 10 or so, I do hope that the Art Gallery of Ontario is back in business and ready for my installation… if not, I guess there’s always the MoMA…. Or, if I really get cracking, I could simply schedule an appointment with the higher-ups here to take place during my upcoming trip in December… !

Happy Friday!!! Today is an exciting day, as it marks the 1473rd anniversary of the publication of the final version of the Justinian Code. This may still be what is in use in Bonnie Scotland! I must confess I’m not really up on Scots law – although there is one aspect that makes a lot of sense to me: they have three verdicts available in criminal court – guilty, not guilty and not proven.

And – amazingly enough, the Codex Justianianus is still enshined in Ontario law (or so it would seem, if one views landlords as Roman Emperors).

As is, by the way, the Riot Act. (And yes, there is such a thing as a Riot Act. Really!! Here is the Canadian version:

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN charges and commands all persons being assembled immediately to disperse and peaceably to depart to their habitations or their lawful business, on pain of being guilty of an offence for which, on conviction, they may be sentenced to an imprisonment for life. God Save the Queen!

Indeed…

In Canada, apparently, the Riot Act is now part of the Criminal Code.
However, unlike the original Riot Act, the Criminal Code requires the assembled people to disperse within half-an-hour, and substitutes punishment by death with life imprisonment.

Well, wasn’t that nice of them?

And now for something completely different – here is a gratuitous photo of Sir John, Eh?:

(Canada’s first prime minister. If you’re really procrastinating, click here for my own little personal wiki on this fellow Kingstonian and compatriot of my dear JJ…

Seems to me they might have done a bit better than the $10 bill for the first PM!!! After all, Borden rated the $100!! – and I bet if I conducted a little survey while on the TTC today, 99 per cent of the respondents would have no clue who he was aside from “the old white guy on the C-note”. Maybe the $10 is meant to represent the amount of money Sir John Eh’s whisky habit cost him on a daily basis at the time of Confederation in 1867…?

Clearly, it’s time to sign off…

Unfortunately, I do have to work to support my craft habits. Perhaps seeing my work environs will give further insight into the colourful and crazed mind of KB (as I am known at the workplace).

First things first… The other morning, I donned my fancy Pirates of the Caribbean costume and staggered out the door at 7:45. By 8:35 I was at my desk, hard at work. Please note that there are no photos of me working as the nature of my high end legal work is highly confidential (that’s one reason, anyway… sounds good though, doesn’t it?)

By about 10… well, maybe 9:30, it’s time for the first smoke of the workday:
I look almost normal, don’t I? Wait, check out the back view:
A tail!!

And what’s protruding from the tail? Can you see it? No? Here’s a close up:
(Evil Kristina must be on the prowl again. Luckily it’s two days before PAYDAY… so no cash to blow at the LYS.)

Back to my desk and more high-level legal intellectual reading:Er…wrong photo:
That’s better. Here are other examples of the intellectually stimulating material pervading my office:

… and some more legal insights:

Not to mention the usual incisive commentary on the modern workplace:And, of course, like any good lawyer, I’m always prepared for that emergency call which will send me flying to court on an urgent matter or to consult with the Ministry of Housing on high level policy issues (even though in this past five years I’ve not been to “big court” once except to heckle… er, support other colleagues – and am still awaiting that elusive invite from the Minister):

… and of course the requisite lawyer’s briefcase:

… and, of course, the appropriate muted garb for the boygirl dressed for success:

(latest acquisition from the vintage shop up the street with the “cheap” rack in front – $5!!! although I’m not sure it isn’t meant to be casualwear:

I can’t even spell “suburbia”! I’ve never lived in a suburb… should I return it?… I don’t know what to DOOOOOOO…)

Looks like I need to be taking another look at this, displayed prominently next to my computer monitor:

I acquired this needlepoint kit at Michaels’ at the height of burnout from my regular gig, Lawyer of Last Resort at the Landlord/Tenant Board. I had to be very careful not to bring it there with me once it was finished, lest this kind of behaviour ensue:

TENANT FACING EVICTION: I’ve got cockroaches, mice and black mould. Sure, I owe three months of rent but that’s only because I can’t afford to live anywhere in the city when I only earn minimum wage… plus I have 5 kids and it’s winter.

EVIL KB: (picks up the needlepoint and hold it in front of her face, pointing at it).

Or, worse, this:

TENANT WHO CAN’T EVEN SPELL “EVICTION”, PAYS MORE THAN 3/4 OF MY SALARY IN RENT AND DEMANDS FREE LEGAL ADVICE: I have just one question. The swimming pool in my apartment building is two degrees too cold… I’ve been taking the temperature daily after my mani-pedi, and it is never at the proper level… I have written several letters to the landlord and called my councillor’s office and the MPP who is a close personal friend of my husband and the landlord does nothing… so when you fill in my T2 tenants’ rights form to sue my landlord, how do I ask for more than the maximum of $10,000 as a rebate?

EVIL KB: (who has just finished meeting with 8 tenants to whom she had to communicate the advice “It’s time to move” and who is thinking “when your rent is $2,700 a month and you have a high-powered husband, why are you still renting anyway?!?, and who is trying desperately not to rip out her hair): Um… the Tribunal does not have jurisdiction to award you more than the statutory maximum, and moreover…

RICH TENANT: (interrupting) So, I should be going to Superior Court then? I don’t want to do that because then I’d have to pay filing fees.

EVIL KB: Well, I don’t know that there is a lot of legal merit to your complaint…

RICH TENANT: (interrupting again) Of course there is… I have this on authority from two real lawyers, who work on Bay Street…

EVIL KB: (who is now thinking “Well, then, why don’t you retain one of them and let them charge you $10,000 for your bogus high-end whiner complaint which will get you nothing, and stop bothering me?”: Let me finish. Since there is no by-law or statute regulating what temperature swimming pools should be kept at…

RICH TENANT: Yes, there is – it says 80 fahrenheit. Mine is 78.

EVIL KB: (who knows that no by-law has said anything in Fahrenheit in Canada since at least 1977). Where did you see that written down? (hauling out the by-law book) Here – why don’t you point it out to me?

RICH TENANT: well… er… I didn’t look at the by-law per se – I must have seen it in a case I found on the internet.

EVIL KB: (who is thinking “Oh, so I spent $30,000 and 4 1/2 years for nothing qualifying as a lawyer. You know how to be a lawyer after 10 minutes surfing the internet!!!! Man, am I a jackass or what???”) What was the name of the case?

RICH TENANT: Now you listen here!!! My taxes pay your salary (EVIL KB thinks: “oh really? well, when I see your signature on my paycheque, then you can make unreasonable demands of me, OK?” and then starts plotting her next move on the computer backgammon game beckoning from her screen)… the landlord doesn’t care, you don’t care, no one cares, no one pays attention to the middle classes, people on welfare get all the breaks…

EVIL KB: (picks up the needlepoint and hold it in front of her face, pointing at it, then smashes it over rich tenant’s head).

So, good thing I didn’t take it to work. And a very good thing that I’m in a little research gig for a while… !

But back to that. Since I am there replacing other people on leaves, I have to move offices every time that I change “identities”, as it were. This has meant three inter-office relocations in ten months. Not a big deal, but I’ve stopped unpacking:

Mind you, at four months in this particular space, I’ve lived here longer than I had in a couple of apartments. And, come to think of it, it is probably bigger than five or six of the apartments I’ve lived it!! Swank!!

And, in common with all of the apartments I’ve lived in (I think 16 at last count – since I moved here in 1991), I keep a small stash:
So all in all, I’m very happy and very lucky at my current workplace. I even have my own fancy nameplate:

(She even looks like me, doesn’t she? I love clipart!! Other proof of this undying passion is this tribute to Emma Goldman, which was part of yesterday’s entertainment for the co-workers.)

And finally, the requisite hyphenated canadian content:

I keep this hanging in every office I work at (even when I was a Lawyer of Last Resort sometimes moving locations once a week!) as a reminder of my more humble origins (on my mother’s side – this is her grandfather’s landed immigrant certificate from 1927) and so I don’t become too big-headed as a result of my vaunted status as a professional…

…and of course the requisite greek good-luck symbol (which also creeps me out and keeps me from spending too much slack time on the ‘net at work!)

Happy Ides of November! (aka the holiday known in the Brouhaha lexicon as PAYDAY, where I pay homage to the craft gods by hitting either the LYS or the art shop… or both!)

“What on earth is this?”, you ask?

Weeeeeeeeeel… tonight, looking around my house and seeing the amount of blankets knitted by me already present (and most of those piled on the floor in the bedroom at that!), I had to face reality – I just don’t need another one (especially with the Ugly Argyle Sweater Repurposed Blankie in progress…

So, a final decision (at least, as final as they get around here!) was made to deconstruct the TTC Log Cabin project as a blanket – can one actually “deconstruct” something which is not yet constructed? Hmm…something else to lie awake about tonight! – and use the panels as a stepping stone for some mini-projects.

(You may or may not recall that one of the panels already has a starring role in my recent . I don’t really expect you to keep track, of course. Given the manic pace around here recently, I can hardly keep up with myself!)

Given the freeforming fun I had with that piece, I thought I’d endeavour some freeform, without looking at the bible. Gasp.

So, studiously avoiding glancing at the bookshelf where Ms Dowde’s trusty guide holds pride of place (as well as the pile of dishes in the sink – tonight’s excuse is that JJ is off work tomorrow and will surely be bored and in need of things to occupy his time), I trundled off to the spare room in search of panels and scrap yarn.

And this is what resulted:

(I must harbour some form of guilt over not performing such helpmeetly duties as washing up. Certainly not consciously, though. And, for the record, I do manage to wash my face every day whether it needs it or not. Even behind the ears. My mother taught me well.)

The base piece is a log cabin square – the centre is the original swatch for my Bacardi cardi, aka the Cuba Libre (in different colours than I ultimately went with for the cardi). The “logs” were knitted during my work commute.

All of the yarn used in the project is my fave Super10 mercerised cotton (washable and Greek!!!! kind of like my face!). The freeform was worked with a 3.75 mm crochet hook and the rest was knitted with 4.0 mm needles.

This is my favourite bit:

Can you see the little dots between the “bars” that the chestnut yarn makes? Then a ray of coral light snakes around, underneath the bars and away… kind of like a homemaker getting some respite from all that slog (not that I would know anything about cleaning house. You’ll note I don’t take a lot of pics of my home environs!).

This was originally supposed to be a half-moon (for no real reason) but turned out a bit differently.

These are the eyes of the piece… my (lame) attempt to reproduce my eyeglasses with crochet.

This is another little “fence” bauble:
And finally, another shot of the prison bars because I like them so much.
The crochet work only took me 45 minutes!!! I love freeform. And it goes quicker when you don’t look at the book (I should try that at work! Then again, maybe not).

So, I guess this is No. 3 in my Cliche/Momilies Series (No. 4 if you count Eastern Promise…). (in case you’re not keeping track, Nos. 1 and 2 were Haste Makes Waste and Fit to be Tied. 3 cliches in 3 days. I’m on a roll!!

In signing off, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that today heralds the anniversary of the marriage of Anne, Princess Royal and Peter Phillips, commoner. I’m not sure which day heralds the anniversary of their divorce. Oh well.

Cheers,

Kristina

PS. And the dishes? I strongly suspect that they’ll still be hanging out in the sink tomorrow when I return from the Lawyers of Last Resort Cheap Keith’s And Half Price Snax session at the pub tomorrow… a woman’s work is truly never done, am I right?

When dancing to work this morning, a sign on a new shop across the street from where I was at actually made me stop in my tracks. It said Craft something (I really need to clean my glasses more often).

I peered more closely past the oncoming traffic and saw the second part of the sign:

… Burger.

This confused me as I was still hung up on the “Craft” bit. What kind of craft shop could this be? Would they, for example, sell stuff like this? (Another one for the “Wish I’d thought of that“!!!” list, which is up to vol. 7 or so at time of writing this post.)

I was too lazy to cross over and investigate, but of course fired up my trusty search engine as soon as I reached the office (only a short break, of course, before immersing myself into high level legal research all day!):
This is what I found on Craft Burger.

Dang. It really is a burger joint after all. Not only that, but a “gourmet” burger joint. Isn’t “gourmet burger” an oxymoron?

Just what Toronto needs… another fancydan house of burgers. And, given its location right in the heart of Prime Condoland, a burger with fries and a drink would doubtless set me back the same amount of cash as a skein of Handmaiden anything. (This, when I just picked up 3 kilos of extra lean ground beef at Loblaws for something ridiculous like $15.00!)

I know how I’d rather spend my (hard-?)earned cash. But then, who am I to dis other crafters, anyway?!?

Anyway, probably just as well there isn’t a new real craft place two blocks from the office. As it is, one of my well-meaning co-workers came in this morning with an “announcement” for me – a new LYS is about to open. On Thursday, of all days – that most hallowed of the bi-monthly spending holiday known as Payday. Sigh. Thanks, W!

Luckily it is well out of my way (it’s east of the Don, and anyone who has lived in Toronto for more than about 20 minutes knows that it is not the done thing to cross the Don unless you absolutely must, for work). So, I’ll probably be able to hold out until the 1 December Payday holiday.

Or (says Good Kristina) until I work my way through more of the stash. I’m still hacking away at that. Right now, a lovely piece with Handmaiden Silken:

Trying to make a sow’s ear from a silken purse! (now I’m taking the cliche school a bit too far, I think)… Not really. Stay tuned!

And – getting some home decor ideas from Amy Sedaris. This may well be the only time I will ever buy an Issue of House and Garden (not because I don’t like home decor – only I keep waiting for them to come out with “Apartment and Balcony Flowerbox” (with such tidbits as “how do you secure a flowerbox to the balcony so as not to have it fall off and brain another tenant, inspiring an eviction application for serious impairment of safety”. And stay tuned for the monthly centrefold, “Haute Couture for $30 or less”, sponsored by Value Village.

On that happy note, I’d best sign off. In parting, today I am glad to note that I’ll be celebrating two important milestones in history:

(a) Greece adopted a new constitution in 1864 (three short years before Canada became a country and came up with its own constitution . Coincidence?) and

(b) Sadie Hawkins Day was created in 1939, two years after Sadie’s birth (she seemed awfully precocious!).

Well, after the excitement of prancing around in my new straitjacket for the better part of yesterday evening, I finally got around to putting the elastic into my Flemish beret.

Well – it’s confirmed. I still look like the Village Idiot.

I can’t figure out what I did wrong, given that it looked so fab on the pattern designer, Jennifer.

Hell, it even looks better on my albino head model than me:Wench.

Note the fancy buttons I added, above and here:

Unfortunately, it didn’t make the hat look magically better on me (it looks great sitting on my living room table, though! Maybe it’s not meant for wearing by short squat Greeks like myself.

A pause for a brief digression: having said that, what if I wore it together with my Fit to Be Tied? Hmm.

Would this:

plus this:

equal this? I could live with that!

Alas, I’d probably just end up looking like a landlord. You know, from the days when they were still allowed to run around booting tenants up the arse and sacking their huts because the tenant didn’t tip his cap at the landlord the right way. Back in those days the law decisions are full of descriptions of “tenents marauding ryotously thru the fyields[sic]”. No wonder!!!

(This is an actual line from a case from the Star Chamber. I found it one day while articling because I was pissed off at one of my supervising lawyers for sending me to to the library to look for 1890s House of Lords decisions which he seemed to think related to an above-guideline rent increase application concerning lobby restoration. Huh??? How many lobby repairs jobs were Victorian landlords doing, anyway> All this to say, I brought the “marauding” case back with the rest of the stack and waited for him to find it and quote it in his submissions. I heard the laughter 20 minutes or so later and realised that my little ruse hadn’t worked. Oh well.)

These days, of course, we have residential tenancy statutes to protect tenants from such abuses (it only took until 1978 or so… but hey). Well, almost, anyway. As you can see, the law still enshrined some of the hallowed and time honoured concepts of the Feudal Doctrine of Serf and Turf.

I’d better get off this topic. I feel a good rant coming on…

So, I decided to dig out a hat from the collection that better suits greek types like me. How about a fez!!

Check out the flowers!

Hmm… maybe I should try to sell some to the Shriners.

And finally on the topic of hats, I was in a fabric/home decor shop the other day when I spotted a bunch of these:

There must have been a hundred of them there! I started to hyperventilate, as my tortured brain inevitably harked back to the good ol’ days:

No wonder I dislike Christmas!

On a happier note, today commemorates the 1934 debut of the musical Babes in Toyland, which featured two of my faves!

Stan and Ollie clearly loved hats as much as I do…

AUGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!! This must be some sort of sign – time to get to work!

Happy Monday…

Kristina

Free promotion: If you like the main attraction, why not see the making of the straitjacket!!! How to Make Your Very Own 21st Century Straitjacket. Brought to you by Bespoke by Brouhaha, a craftdaft enterprise

When I returned from my “I’ll never go to Loblaws on a Sunday again” outing today (speaking of screaming!), I saw that Aphrodite had been sprung from her room on the locked ward (otherwise known as the stash room and (HAH!) office) and was wandering the grounds:

I’m glad she didn’t climb over the high fence so that I could show you these pics!

This is my newest creation: made with a shirt from Goodwill, eight neckties from Goodwill, beads from Earthfaire and Arton in Toronto, and vintage buttons rescued from my grandmother’s house.

Although I will be wearing it to work on Tuesday, of course (I just remembered that Monday is a stat holiday for some of my luckier colleagues and I want to have full show-off and prancing around potential when I model this), I suspect it’s better left as a work of art most days.

But aren’t the colours lovely?! Wasted on all those Bay Street types, I think.

(I must credit JJ with the idea to braid the back pieces. I guess some of the bug that’s bit me has infected him as well!)

I think I finally figured out what “bling” means…

Seriously, wouldn’t neckties make the world’s craziest quilt??

I’m particularly proud of this design feature (which term, for once, I am not using to mean “mistake”) – necktie cuffs with mock “cuff links”!

But if it’s “art”, then what does it all mean? you ask? Well – I’ll leave that up to you for the time being. I’ll give you some whispered hints, though:

The Corporation
The Landed Gentry (or, for my US friends, The Lawyer)

** on this topic, I’m very peeved that I cannot sign off as Kristina Brouhaha, Esq. “Kristina Brouhaha, B.A., LL.B” doesn’t quite cut it (although add just one little “a” and then check out the anagram!!! and if you’re as lame at anagrams as I am… just Email me). It took a fellow lawyer friend to clue me into this one, but as a barrister and solicitor called to the Bar of Ontario, I’m not supposed to bring my professional self into disrepute. Suffice it to say that I’m very happy that they don’t make me render the “barrister solicitor” bit into initials to follow my name.

The Government
The Zodiac
The Church


(I’m starting to wonder if this shouldn’t be called The Da Vinci Code Vest. At least then I may be able to sell some of them!).

If you put all of the above together with the “straitjacket” concept, you should get some inkling of how my tortured brain works (especially while watching the television news).

And, when I went to check the label to see who was indeed responsible for this fabulous creation?
Go figure.

Not bad for someone who can’t sew, eh? (and I don’t mean that in any self-deprecating sarcastic sense. I really, really, can’t sew. Hence, the beads – to cover up the booboos – sort of, anyway).

On that topic, I have so many photos of this piece in progress that I’ve decided to put up another blog post – a “tutorial” of sorts – more like a “what not to do” for anyone who wants to try this at home and has no clue about sewing. You’ll also have to check it out if you want to know the actual symbolism behind this piece. I know, I know… not fair.

Oh – and I’d better show a picture of myself in it:

Sorry – it’s blurry. I think JJ was holding back quite a bit of laughter (at my expense, no doubt) when he took this photo. I don’t know if you can see it, but I had given myself a moustache and goatee with mascara (it must be good for SOMETHING!) before prancing out to show it off, shouting “Avast, matey!!!” (we had watched Pirates of the Caribbean last evening). I then made the mistake of saying to him “Don’t I look like Johnny Depp?” just before he snapped the photo.

He didn’t answer, and only spoke again about five minutes later, when I came in wearing a beret (which will be one of the subjects of a future post):

“You’rrrre gettin’ worrrrrse”, was all he said.

On that happy note, here’s another pretty picture of the other necktie sleeve cuff!!