Well, it’s now official: “A Woman’s Work is Never Done” is a series!

Behold the potscrubber for the woman who has everything!! I think this is an ideal shower present for that friend who is about to marry into money, anyway. A real heirloom piece to be passed down through the generations of maids that cycle through the mansion in Forest Hill or Rosedale…

Now, you could always save yourself some money and time and grab some of these:
these – or , if money is no object, their nearest equivalent on the wedding registry at William Ashley

Or, this, apparently, would be a welcomed gift for the blushing bride-to-be:

But those wouldn’t be so nearly personal – nor would they have the tremendous symbolism that your art piece will carry! And – it’s practical. Form and function combined make a beautiful thing, don’t they?
The potscrubber base was knitted in

• merino wool (symbolising the warmth of the new indoor gas-fired hearth)
• flax (denoting homespun antiquity, and also providing in practical terms an extra scrubber and polisher for those stubborn stains)
• cotton (I liked the pretty pastel colours)

Crochet detail was then added using sari silk, Handmaiden Curlilocks, Handmaiden Silken and Super 10 cotton.

Care of finished item: With this combination of fibres, one might think that cleaning it might be a problem. Not necessarily – or not, at least, a problem with which you need to concern yourself.

Cold water is advised for all cleaning operations to avoid shrinkage in odd places – but your friend’s maid should be able to figure it out, as that is what she will be paid (a pittance) for to accomplish…

The piece, you will note, is centred by a highly practical raised cable design, intended to maximise that elbow grease (your friend would not want the maid incapicitated during the course of her work. Highly inconvenient – and time consuming having to find a replacement).
Digression: This was actually a little boo-boo in the making of Samus the Original for JJ last year. Can you see the booboo? JJ couldn’t but for me it might as well have been surrounded by traffic cones and flashing lights.

I’m glad in retrospect that I didn’t follow my first impulse to fling it off the balcony…I even recovered sufficiently to make

Please note the symbolic pink on blue, denoting the about to be very, very happy couple (accordingly to every bridal mag I’ve been forced to look at, anyway…)

The hemp spiral represents both a shift back to simpler times and our modern impetus toward green living (your friend should ensure that her maid recycles properly, hauling non-collectibles to the depot on the bus when necessary, of course).

These symbolic prison bars made of teal cotton poke gentle fun at the notion that marriage is constraining… as well as a cautionary note about the potential peril of marrying into a situation which will ultimately be impossible to afford to leave. Please note the gilt edging on the top of the bars…
… and the twists and turns that your friend will face in her married life as a doyenne of the Toronto corporate culture and a “lady who lunches”.

The colourful sari silk edging is means to symbolise luxury such as that enjoyed by some during the British Raj. You may wish to modify the yarn choice if the lucky groom-to-be is not of The green, of course, symbolises the many baubles that your friend can hope to enjoy in her new life. It would be a nice touch to pick a colour approximating that of her birthstone (mine is peridot, hence the bright green).

Two sides of the piece are left “blank” for practical purposes… and most certainly your friend’s made will appreciate the extra free scrubbing surface. The piece is approximately 18″ x 6″ – more than big enough to tackle that 20 litre pasta pot which is no doubt found on your friend’s wedding registry.

Please feel free to make a potscrubber for yourself as a gift for that special someone who is about to enter a very charmed life indeed! (Alternatively, if you want to ensure that you never get invited to a wedding shower again, just make one of these and skip out on the wedding shower registry).

I’m having fun with these washcloths, obviously… and once I have 10 or so, I do hope that the Art Gallery of Ontario is back in business and ready for my installation… if not, I guess there’s always the MoMA…. Or, if I really get cracking, I could simply schedule an appointment with the higher-ups here to take place during my upcoming trip in December… !

Happy Friday!!! Today is an exciting day, as it marks the 1473rd anniversary of the publication of the final version of the Justinian Code. This may still be what is in use in Bonnie Scotland! I must confess I’m not really up on Scots law – although there is one aspect that makes a lot of sense to me: they have three verdicts available in criminal court – guilty, not guilty and not proven.

And – amazingly enough, the Codex Justianianus is still enshined in Ontario law (or so it would seem, if one views landlords as Roman Emperors).

As is, by the way, the Riot Act. (And yes, there is such a thing as a Riot Act. Really!! Here is the Canadian version:

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN charges and commands all persons being assembled immediately to disperse and peaceably to depart to their habitations or their lawful business, on pain of being guilty of an offence for which, on conviction, they may be sentenced to an imprisonment for life. God Save the Queen!

Indeed…

In Canada, apparently, the Riot Act is now part of the Criminal Code.
However, unlike the original Riot Act, the Criminal Code requires the assembled people to disperse within half-an-hour, and substitutes punishment by death with life imprisonment.

Well, wasn’t that nice of them?

And now for something completely different – here is a gratuitous photo of Sir John, Eh?:

(Canada’s first prime minister. If you’re really procrastinating, click here for my own little personal wiki on this fellow Kingstonian and compatriot of my dear JJ…

Seems to me they might have done a bit better than the $10 bill for the first PM!!! After all, Borden rated the $100!! – and I bet if I conducted a little survey while on the TTC today, 99 per cent of the respondents would have no clue who he was aside from “the old white guy on the C-note”. Maybe the $10 is meant to represent the amount of money Sir John Eh’s whisky habit cost him on a daily basis at the time of Confederation in 1867…?

Clearly, it’s time to sign off…

Unfortunately, I do have to work to support my craft habits. Perhaps seeing my work environs will give further insight into the colourful and crazed mind of KB (as I am known at the workplace).

First things first… The other morning, I donned my fancy Pirates of the Caribbean costume and staggered out the door at 7:45. By 8:35 I was at my desk, hard at work. Please note that there are no photos of me working as the nature of my high end legal work is highly confidential (that’s one reason, anyway… sounds good though, doesn’t it?)

By about 10… well, maybe 9:30, it’s time for the first smoke of the workday:
I look almost normal, don’t I? Wait, check out the back view:
A tail!!

And what’s protruding from the tail? Can you see it? No? Here’s a close up:
(Evil Kristina must be on the prowl again. Luckily it’s two days before PAYDAY… so no cash to blow at the LYS.)

Back to my desk and more high-level legal intellectual reading:Er…wrong photo:
That’s better. Here are other examples of the intellectually stimulating material pervading my office:

… and some more legal insights:

Not to mention the usual incisive commentary on the modern workplace:And, of course, like any good lawyer, I’m always prepared for that emergency call which will send me flying to court on an urgent matter or to consult with the Ministry of Housing on high level policy issues (even though in this past five years I’ve not been to “big court” once except to heckle… er, support other colleagues – and am still awaiting that elusive invite from the Minister):

… and of course the requisite lawyer’s briefcase:

… and, of course, the appropriate muted garb for the boygirl dressed for success:

(latest acquisition from the vintage shop up the street with the “cheap” rack in front – $5!!! although I’m not sure it isn’t meant to be casualwear:

I can’t even spell “suburbia”! I’ve never lived in a suburb… should I return it?… I don’t know what to DOOOOOOO…)

Looks like I need to be taking another look at this, displayed prominently next to my computer monitor:

I acquired this needlepoint kit at Michaels’ at the height of burnout from my regular gig, Lawyer of Last Resort at the Landlord/Tenant Board. I had to be very careful not to bring it there with me once it was finished, lest this kind of behaviour ensue:

TENANT FACING EVICTION: I’ve got cockroaches, mice and black mould. Sure, I owe three months of rent but that’s only because I can’t afford to live anywhere in the city when I only earn minimum wage… plus I have 5 kids and it’s winter.

EVIL KB: (picks up the needlepoint and hold it in front of her face, pointing at it).

Or, worse, this:

TENANT WHO CAN’T EVEN SPELL “EVICTION”, PAYS MORE THAN 3/4 OF MY SALARY IN RENT AND DEMANDS FREE LEGAL ADVICE: I have just one question. The swimming pool in my apartment building is two degrees too cold… I’ve been taking the temperature daily after my mani-pedi, and it is never at the proper level… I have written several letters to the landlord and called my councillor’s office and the MPP who is a close personal friend of my husband and the landlord does nothing… so when you fill in my T2 tenants’ rights form to sue my landlord, how do I ask for more than the maximum of $10,000 as a rebate?

EVIL KB: (who has just finished meeting with 8 tenants to whom she had to communicate the advice “It’s time to move” and who is thinking “when your rent is $2,700 a month and you have a high-powered husband, why are you still renting anyway?!?, and who is trying desperately not to rip out her hair): Um… the Tribunal does not have jurisdiction to award you more than the statutory maximum, and moreover…

RICH TENANT: (interrupting) So, I should be going to Superior Court then? I don’t want to do that because then I’d have to pay filing fees.

EVIL KB: Well, I don’t know that there is a lot of legal merit to your complaint…

RICH TENANT: (interrupting again) Of course there is… I have this on authority from two real lawyers, who work on Bay Street…

EVIL KB: (who is now thinking “Well, then, why don’t you retain one of them and let them charge you $10,000 for your bogus high-end whiner complaint which will get you nothing, and stop bothering me?”: Let me finish. Since there is no by-law or statute regulating what temperature swimming pools should be kept at…

RICH TENANT: Yes, there is – it says 80 fahrenheit. Mine is 78.

EVIL KB: (who knows that no by-law has said anything in Fahrenheit in Canada since at least 1977). Where did you see that written down? (hauling out the by-law book) Here – why don’t you point it out to me?

RICH TENANT: well… er… I didn’t look at the by-law per se – I must have seen it in a case I found on the internet.

EVIL KB: (who is thinking “Oh, so I spent $30,000 and 4 1/2 years for nothing qualifying as a lawyer. You know how to be a lawyer after 10 minutes surfing the internet!!!! Man, am I a jackass or what???”) What was the name of the case?

RICH TENANT: Now you listen here!!! My taxes pay your salary (EVIL KB thinks: “oh really? well, when I see your signature on my paycheque, then you can make unreasonable demands of me, OK?” and then starts plotting her next move on the computer backgammon game beckoning from her screen)… the landlord doesn’t care, you don’t care, no one cares, no one pays attention to the middle classes, people on welfare get all the breaks…

EVIL KB: (picks up the needlepoint and hold it in front of her face, pointing at it, then smashes it over rich tenant’s head).

So, good thing I didn’t take it to work. And a very good thing that I’m in a little research gig for a while… !

But back to that. Since I am there replacing other people on leaves, I have to move offices every time that I change “identities”, as it were. This has meant three inter-office relocations in ten months. Not a big deal, but I’ve stopped unpacking:

Mind you, at four months in this particular space, I’ve lived here longer than I had in a couple of apartments. And, come to think of it, it is probably bigger than five or six of the apartments I’ve lived it!! Swank!!

And, in common with all of the apartments I’ve lived in (I think 16 at last count – since I moved here in 1991), I keep a small stash:
So all in all, I’m very happy and very lucky at my current workplace. I even have my own fancy nameplate:

(She even looks like me, doesn’t she? I love clipart!! Other proof of this undying passion is this tribute to Emma Goldman, which was part of yesterday’s entertainment for the co-workers.)

And finally, the requisite hyphenated canadian content:

I keep this hanging in every office I work at (even when I was a Lawyer of Last Resort sometimes moving locations once a week!) as a reminder of my more humble origins (on my mother’s side – this is her grandfather’s landed immigrant certificate from 1927) and so I don’t become too big-headed as a result of my vaunted status as a professional…

…and of course the requisite greek good-luck symbol (which also creeps me out and keeps me from spending too much slack time on the ‘net at work!)

Happy Ides of November! (aka the holiday known in the Brouhaha lexicon as PAYDAY, where I pay homage to the craft gods by hitting either the LYS or the art shop… or both!)

“What on earth is this?”, you ask?

Weeeeeeeeeel… tonight, looking around my house and seeing the amount of blankets knitted by me already present (and most of those piled on the floor in the bedroom at that!), I had to face reality – I just don’t need another one (especially with the Ugly Argyle Sweater Repurposed Blankie in progress…

So, a final decision (at least, as final as they get around here!) was made to deconstruct the TTC Log Cabin project as a blanket – can one actually “deconstruct” something which is not yet constructed? Hmm…something else to lie awake about tonight! – and use the panels as a stepping stone for some mini-projects.

(You may or may not recall that one of the panels already has a starring role in my recent . I don’t really expect you to keep track, of course. Given the manic pace around here recently, I can hardly keep up with myself!)

Given the freeforming fun I had with that piece, I thought I’d endeavour some freeform, without looking at the bible. Gasp.

So, studiously avoiding glancing at the bookshelf where Ms Dowde’s trusty guide holds pride of place (as well as the pile of dishes in the sink – tonight’s excuse is that JJ is off work tomorrow and will surely be bored and in need of things to occupy his time), I trundled off to the spare room in search of panels and scrap yarn.

And this is what resulted:

(I must harbour some form of guilt over not performing such helpmeetly duties as washing up. Certainly not consciously, though. And, for the record, I do manage to wash my face every day whether it needs it or not. Even behind the ears. My mother taught me well.)

The base piece is a log cabin square – the centre is the original swatch for my Bacardi cardi, aka the Cuba Libre (in different colours than I ultimately went with for the cardi). The “logs” were knitted during my work commute.

All of the yarn used in the project is my fave Super10 mercerised cotton (washable and Greek!!!! kind of like my face!). The freeform was worked with a 3.75 mm crochet hook and the rest was knitted with 4.0 mm needles.

This is my favourite bit:

Can you see the little dots between the “bars” that the chestnut yarn makes? Then a ray of coral light snakes around, underneath the bars and away… kind of like a homemaker getting some respite from all that slog (not that I would know anything about cleaning house. You’ll note I don’t take a lot of pics of my home environs!).

This was originally supposed to be a half-moon (for no real reason) but turned out a bit differently.

These are the eyes of the piece… my (lame) attempt to reproduce my eyeglasses with crochet.

This is another little “fence” bauble:
And finally, another shot of the prison bars because I like them so much.
The crochet work only took me 45 minutes!!! I love freeform. And it goes quicker when you don’t look at the book (I should try that at work! Then again, maybe not).

So, I guess this is No. 3 in my Cliche/Momilies Series (No. 4 if you count Eastern Promise…). (in case you’re not keeping track, Nos. 1 and 2 were Haste Makes Waste and Fit to be Tied. 3 cliches in 3 days. I’m on a roll!!

In signing off, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that today heralds the anniversary of the marriage of Anne, Princess Royal and Peter Phillips, commoner. I’m not sure which day heralds the anniversary of their divorce. Oh well.

Cheers,

Kristina

PS. And the dishes? I strongly suspect that they’ll still be hanging out in the sink tomorrow when I return from the Lawyers of Last Resort Cheap Keith’s And Half Price Snax session at the pub tomorrow… a woman’s work is truly never done, am I right?

When dancing to work this morning, a sign on a new shop across the street from where I was at actually made me stop in my tracks. It said Craft something (I really need to clean my glasses more often).

I peered more closely past the oncoming traffic and saw the second part of the sign:

… Burger.

This confused me as I was still hung up on the “Craft” bit. What kind of craft shop could this be? Would they, for example, sell stuff like this? (Another one for the “Wish I’d thought of that“!!!” list, which is up to vol. 7 or so at time of writing this post.)

I was too lazy to cross over and investigate, but of course fired up my trusty search engine as soon as I reached the office (only a short break, of course, before immersing myself into high level legal research all day!):
This is what I found on Craft Burger.

Dang. It really is a burger joint after all. Not only that, but a “gourmet” burger joint. Isn’t “gourmet burger” an oxymoron?

Just what Toronto needs… another fancydan house of burgers. And, given its location right in the heart of Prime Condoland, a burger with fries and a drink would doubtless set me back the same amount of cash as a skein of Handmaiden anything. (This, when I just picked up 3 kilos of extra lean ground beef at Loblaws for something ridiculous like $15.00!)

I know how I’d rather spend my (hard-?)earned cash. But then, who am I to dis other crafters, anyway?!?

Anyway, probably just as well there isn’t a new real craft place two blocks from the office. As it is, one of my well-meaning co-workers came in this morning with an “announcement” for me – a new LYS is about to open. On Thursday, of all days – that most hallowed of the bi-monthly spending holiday known as Payday. Sigh. Thanks, W!

Luckily it is well out of my way (it’s east of the Don, and anyone who has lived in Toronto for more than about 20 minutes knows that it is not the done thing to cross the Don unless you absolutely must, for work). So, I’ll probably be able to hold out until the 1 December Payday holiday.

Or (says Good Kristina) until I work my way through more of the stash. I’m still hacking away at that. Right now, a lovely piece with Handmaiden Silken:

Trying to make a sow’s ear from a silken purse! (now I’m taking the cliche school a bit too far, I think)… Not really. Stay tuned!

And – getting some home decor ideas from Amy Sedaris. This may well be the only time I will ever buy an Issue of House and Garden (not because I don’t like home decor – only I keep waiting for them to come out with “Apartment and Balcony Flowerbox” (with such tidbits as “how do you secure a flowerbox to the balcony so as not to have it fall off and brain another tenant, inspiring an eviction application for serious impairment of safety”. And stay tuned for the monthly centrefold, “Haute Couture for $30 or less”, sponsored by Value Village.

On that happy note, I’d best sign off. In parting, today I am glad to note that I’ll be celebrating two important milestones in history:

(a) Greece adopted a new constitution in 1864 (three short years before Canada became a country and came up with its own constitution . Coincidence?) and

(b) Sadie Hawkins Day was created in 1939, two years after Sadie’s birth (she seemed awfully precocious!).

Well, after the excitement of prancing around in my new straitjacket for the better part of yesterday evening, I finally got around to putting the elastic into my Flemish beret.

Well – it’s confirmed. I still look like the Village Idiot.

I can’t figure out what I did wrong, given that it looked so fab on the pattern designer, Jennifer.

Hell, it even looks better on my albino head model than me:Wench.

Note the fancy buttons I added, above and here:

Unfortunately, it didn’t make the hat look magically better on me (it looks great sitting on my living room table, though! Maybe it’s not meant for wearing by short squat Greeks like myself.

A pause for a brief digression: having said that, what if I wore it together with my Fit to Be Tied? Hmm.

Would this:

plus this:

equal this? I could live with that!

Alas, I’d probably just end up looking like a landlord. You know, from the days when they were still allowed to run around booting tenants up the arse and sacking their huts because the tenant didn’t tip his cap at the landlord the right way. Back in those days the law decisions are full of descriptions of “tenents marauding ryotously thru the fyields[sic]”. No wonder!!!

(This is an actual line from a case from the Star Chamber. I found it one day while articling because I was pissed off at one of my supervising lawyers for sending me to to the library to look for 1890s House of Lords decisions which he seemed to think related to an above-guideline rent increase application concerning lobby restoration. Huh??? How many lobby repairs jobs were Victorian landlords doing, anyway> All this to say, I brought the “marauding” case back with the rest of the stack and waited for him to find it and quote it in his submissions. I heard the laughter 20 minutes or so later and realised that my little ruse hadn’t worked. Oh well.)

These days, of course, we have residential tenancy statutes to protect tenants from such abuses (it only took until 1978 or so… but hey). Well, almost, anyway. As you can see, the law still enshrined some of the hallowed and time honoured concepts of the Feudal Doctrine of Serf and Turf.

I’d better get off this topic. I feel a good rant coming on…

So, I decided to dig out a hat from the collection that better suits greek types like me. How about a fez!!

Check out the flowers!

Hmm… maybe I should try to sell some to the Shriners.

And finally on the topic of hats, I was in a fabric/home decor shop the other day when I spotted a bunch of these:

There must have been a hundred of them there! I started to hyperventilate, as my tortured brain inevitably harked back to the good ol’ days:

No wonder I dislike Christmas!

On a happier note, today commemorates the 1934 debut of the musical Babes in Toyland, which featured two of my faves!

Stan and Ollie clearly loved hats as much as I do…

AUGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!! This must be some sort of sign – time to get to work!

Happy Monday…

Kristina

Free promotion: If you like the main attraction, why not see the making of the straitjacket!!! How to Make Your Very Own 21st Century Straitjacket. Brought to you by Bespoke by Brouhaha, a craftdaft enterprise

When I returned from my “I’ll never go to Loblaws on a Sunday again” outing today (speaking of screaming!), I saw that Aphrodite had been sprung from her room on the locked ward (otherwise known as the stash room and (HAH!) office) and was wandering the grounds:

I’m glad she didn’t climb over the high fence so that I could show you these pics!

This is my newest creation: made with a shirt from Goodwill, eight neckties from Goodwill, beads from Earthfaire and Arton in Toronto, and vintage buttons rescued from my grandmother’s house.

Although I will be wearing it to work on Tuesday, of course (I just remembered that Monday is a stat holiday for some of my luckier colleagues and I want to have full show-off and prancing around potential when I model this), I suspect it’s better left as a work of art most days.

But aren’t the colours lovely?! Wasted on all those Bay Street types, I think.

(I must credit JJ with the idea to braid the back pieces. I guess some of the bug that’s bit me has infected him as well!)

I think I finally figured out what “bling” means…

Seriously, wouldn’t neckties make the world’s craziest quilt??

I’m particularly proud of this design feature (which term, for once, I am not using to mean “mistake”) – necktie cuffs with mock “cuff links”!

But if it’s “art”, then what does it all mean? you ask? Well – I’ll leave that up to you for the time being. I’ll give you some whispered hints, though:

The Corporation
The Landed Gentry (or, for my US friends, The Lawyer)

** on this topic, I’m very peeved that I cannot sign off as Kristina Brouhaha, Esq. “Kristina Brouhaha, B.A., LL.B” doesn’t quite cut it (although add just one little “a” and then check out the anagram!!! and if you’re as lame at anagrams as I am… just Email me). It took a fellow lawyer friend to clue me into this one, but as a barrister and solicitor called to the Bar of Ontario, I’m not supposed to bring my professional self into disrepute. Suffice it to say that I’m very happy that they don’t make me render the “barrister solicitor” bit into initials to follow my name.

The Government
The Zodiac
The Church


(I’m starting to wonder if this shouldn’t be called The Da Vinci Code Vest. At least then I may be able to sell some of them!).

If you put all of the above together with the “straitjacket” concept, you should get some inkling of how my tortured brain works (especially while watching the television news).

And, when I went to check the label to see who was indeed responsible for this fabulous creation?
Go figure.

Not bad for someone who can’t sew, eh? (and I don’t mean that in any self-deprecating sarcastic sense. I really, really, can’t sew. Hence, the beads – to cover up the booboos – sort of, anyway).

On that topic, I have so many photos of this piece in progress that I’ve decided to put up another blog post – a “tutorial” of sorts – more like a “what not to do” for anyone who wants to try this at home and has no clue about sewing. You’ll also have to check it out if you want to know the actual symbolism behind this piece. I know, I know… not fair.

Oh – and I’d better show a picture of myself in it:

Sorry – it’s blurry. I think JJ was holding back quite a bit of laughter (at my expense, no doubt) when he took this photo. I don’t know if you can see it, but I had given myself a moustache and goatee with mascara (it must be good for SOMETHING!) before prancing out to show it off, shouting “Avast, matey!!!” (we had watched Pirates of the Caribbean last evening). I then made the mistake of saying to him “Don’t I look like Johnny Depp?” just before he snapped the photo.

He didn’t answer, and only spoke again about five minutes later, when I came in wearing a beret (which will be one of the subjects of a future post):

“You’rrrre gettin’ worrrrrse”, was all he said.

On that happy note, here’s another pretty picture of the other necktie sleeve cuff!!

For once I have some real news!!!! YAY!!! Yippee!!! Yee-hah!!! I finally got a (non-legal) article published on line!! The mag is a crafting mag called WhipUp.

Here’s my article: Bicraftual Bliss – or, how to make beautiful heirloom art on the cheap in just a few easy steps. I can’t even keep a title short!!! 😉

Back to reality…… now for something completely different (and only tangentially craft-related):

I was very pleasantly surprised when I was in the office kitchen the other day and a co-worker pointed out this artistic tribute to my combined Hallowe’en costumes:

The anonymous artist had even captured what may well be the first recorded image of me wearing my pink cowboy boots!

As you know, I am a true lover of fine art. This image was up since 31 October, however, and I did not notice it until 2 November when it was pointed out to me. Why not?

Because it was on the kitchen bulletin board, which I tend to avoid looking at.

The board is most usually reserved for a use related to our latest kitchen system, to wit: if you want to leave a plate/cup etc. on the counter for more than 10 minutes, you must write this down on the board. If not, something secret yet drastic happens to said plate/cup/etc. (and then to you?!? I’m not sure. I don’t think anyone has offended the Rule as yet).

Actually, whatever happens to you if you offend the 10 minute counter rule is probably no secret, given that we are an office of lawyers and legal adminstrative people and have drawn up a comprehensive compendium of the Kitchen Rules and Regulations:

Kidding. Really. They look like this, actually:

Note that they do go on … and on… to a second page. There have also been very, very many Emails related to recent topics.

If you work in a traditional office environment with shared kitchen (or, for that matter, if you have to share kitchen space with anyone, you are also no doubt familiar with this sort of sign.

I wrote “…or else” at the bottom but that version only lasted a day.

These additions to the kitchen all result from I can only refer to as the Kitchen Wars 2007 – it inflamed while I was on summer vacation, and by the time I returned the kitchen situation had been topic of a staff meeting and the Rules had been introduced.

To top it off, I was asked (as the office Social Convenor) to provide a training for those who had missed the festivities (so that, I gather, they would not be antisocial in their kitchen habits). I demonstrated proper operation of the dishwasher and handed out little sponges. Fun was had by all.

(I must tell you that JJ was actually virtually speechless, perhaps a first, when I shared this news with him. When he stopped laughing, he then looked at me and said, “YOU?!? Teaching people how to keep the kitchen clean?!?” and started laughing again. I chalked it up to the whisky. It certainly couldn’t have been a commentary on my housekeeping habits! SIGH. Well, as I keep telling him, there are two adults in this house. Note that I’m not showing you a photo of the kitchen, which is, I assure you, spotless! Really!)

At any rate, since then, things have been fairly uneventful on the office kitchen front, which is a blessing. I am a veteran of many past Kitchen Wars where things nearly came to bloodshed. The most notable: I was a manager in an office which shared space with another office. I came in on Monday morning to find that my counterpart in the other office had put a huge and very insulting sign over the sink with photos of pigs, expletives, etc. – pointing at a stack of dirty dishes.

I told him that I felt the sign to be over the top and that I did not want the people I worked with to be subjected to it – and took it down. He put another one back up. I took it down… and so forth. By the end of the day I could have clocked him. However, he obviously finally found his medication because the following day everything was forgotten.

I hate to say it, but sometimes things one brings in for oneself go missing in communal kitchen. So, these are the essentials I keep stashed in my office for my personal use:

Breakfast (and lunch, and early dinner) of Champions!

On the craft front, in addition to hacking away on knitting design and the ugly argyle UFO in progress as a blankie, I’m also in the midst of a sewing (ack!) project:

Since I can’t sew and don’t have a machine, this is a very big challenge indeed. Stay tuned…

Oh, and even more excitement today! Not only do I have a copy of the new Food and Drink in my hot little hands – but the new Insider’s Report is out! Respecting the latter, this one’s theme appears to be “Memories of Italia”.

I was, however, disappointed, to find that they didn’t have any Memories of Hallowe’en available yet. Isn’t Hallowe’en a holiday? SIGH.

And, in signing off, I’m very disheartened to report that on this date in 1940, Walt Disney began serving as an informer for the FBI to report on Hollywood “subversives”. SIGH. Perhaps he just needed a good kitchen war to distract him.

I located this on Auntie Curly’s blog (and check out the Twister clock on her wish list!)

I really didn’t need to come across this while procrastinating from (a) housework; and (b) getting back to sewing, which I am so bad at. But anyway… here goes (and even if you’re not planning to do this, do scroll down to #78 and check out my new acquisition!!!):

(warning: if you want to try this, it is quite long. But feel free to lift – do drop me a line if you post it on your own blog!)

0. Your name?
Kristina

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
body

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I’m too old for hoodies

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yep!

4.Do you plan outfits?
It depends on whether your definition of “planning” means “rifling through the clothes on the bedroom floor five minutes before you have to leave the house for work” or not.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Hyper and in the mood to procrastinaate.

6. What’s the longest you’ve been with someone
4 1/2 years with JJ.

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Is this some kind of trick “are you Murcan or Canajan” question?

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
You don’t really want to know. I had just seen The Last King of Scotland.

9. What are your pets’ names?
I only have plastic pets: Quack, Daisy and Bubbles.

10. What are you craving right now?
a Montreal-style bagel with peanut butter and bacon, but I’m too lazy to get off my butt and make one.

11. Do you floss?
What’s that?

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
nightmares of coming home at least once a week while a kid at school and smelling maporizo (cabbage and rice) yet again. I do not eat cabbage by choice.

13. Do you go tanning?
No. I heard it’s bad for you. The last time I went to a tanning bed I burned my breasts. I don’t recommend tanning in a sun bed topless, that’s for sure.

14. Who do you talk to most on instant messaging?
Don’t do instant messaging. I’m too luddite for all that.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Probably, although I’ve never heard it.

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I don’t have enough fingers and toes to manage that.

what happened to 17? I skipped it while I was counting to 1000
heh heh heh

18. Where do you want to live?
In a one-level 6,000 sq ft. penthouse condo on the waterfront anywhere. This is why I’m still renting.

19. When did you graduate?
high school 1987 undergrad, 1991, Law school 1998

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No. I don’t travel in those circles.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
What’s that?

22. What are you listening to right now?
Edmundo Ros and his Orchestra – VaVaBaBoom.

23. How many countries have you visited?
Six.

24. Are your parents strict?
They tended that way, yes.

25. Would you go sky diving?
Not even if you offered me a one-level 6,000 sq ft. penthouse condo on the waterfront anywhere I wanted.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?“
See answer to #25, above.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
On him, I wouldn’t waste the energy that would take.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Yes – a stained glass fuschia hanging star.

29. What is your house decorated as?
A cross between Augean stables and colourful wall hangings. Let’s just say Martha had nothing to do with it.

30. Do you rent movies often?
No – watch them on the Movie Network.

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
I don’t remember – I usually skipped math class. This is why I can’t count to 1000.

32. What was your first car?
I’ve never had one.

33. What’s your natural hair color?
Dark brown? from what I can recall, anyway.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Perhaps – but why would I want to?

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
JJ

36. Brown or white eggs?
Neither. I hate eggs.

37. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Australia and New Zealand.

38. Ever been on a train?
Yes.

39. Ever been in love?

I think so ;-).

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
No – lost it six months ago. Not in a rush to replace it.

41. Where do you work?
a legal research office.

42. Do you do your own laundry?
When I’m too lazy to schlep it to the Wash n’ Fold, yes.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
no idea

44. Who is your idol?
Jenny Dowde and Debbie New

45. Ever have cream puffs?
Love them!

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
no.

47. What was the last question you asked?
What’s in the Loblaws flyer this week, JJ?

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Edmundo Ros and His Orchestra – Mambos and Sambas

49. Boys or Girls?
Neither.

50. What is your bus number for school?

I had to walk to school at least 10 kilometres each way in deep snowdrifts with the wind howling. Oh, I forgot… I don’t have kids!!!

51. Is your hair curly?

grrr – yes.

52. Last time you cried?

Don’t remember. Probably the last time I had my period because someone looked at me the wrong way.

53. Ever walked into a wall?
The question might sooner be “ever NOT walked into a wall”?

54. What do you want to be when you grow up?

An eccentric craft maven with unlimited money. I’ve got the first part down, anyway.

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
No, and it doesn’t sound attractive.

56. What’s your favorite food?

potato chips. Any flavour but ketchup or dill pickle.

57. Favorite time of the year?
Summer.

58. Favorite color?
That’s a hard one. Today… turquoise and lime green.

59. Where is your significant other?
Snoring in bed at 1:30 p.m. Lazy bugger.

60. Do you have any tattoos?
No – I used to have piercings but got rid of them a long time ago.

61. The next person you’ll hold hands with… will it mean anything?

Why would you hold hands with someone if it didn’t? I’m confused.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?

No. It’s one of my personal rules not to. No TV in the bedroom, ever.

63. Where was your default picture taken at?

My balcony.

64. What’s the last movie you watched?
Something stupid. I don’t remember. It was just last night. I was busy sewing.

65. Do you like your life right now?

pretty much.

66. Who’s your number one fan?

You’d have to ask them!

67. What is your favorite animal?

plastic duckies

68. Do you have good vision?

Terrible. I have to wear glasses to turn off the alarm in the morning.

69. What’s your favorite t.v. show?

Rick Mercer Report, This Hour has 22 Minutes, Law and Order Criminal Intent.

70. Can you hula hoop?

For about 10 seconds or so.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?

Only if the cheater were me 😉

72. Do you have a job?
Yep. I have to pay for my craft habits somehow!

73. Do you believe in God?

I’m in the “agnostic… but just in case” school of thought on that topic.

74. What are you wearing?
a Molson Dry T-shirt and shorts.

75. Who’s your best friend?

I don’t really have one. I have several good friends, though.

76. Have you ever crawled through a window?

yes – when I locked myself out of my apartment the day before my Civil Procedure exam that I hadn’t studied for yet.

77. Can you handle the truth?

Oh yeah – my bigger problem is handling good news! I never believe it.

78. What was the most recent thing you bought?
This.

79. How often do you talk on the phone?
Almost never, unless I have to at work.

80. What color is your carpet?

one is burgundy/red and one is multicoloured rust tones and black. Both persian style.

81. Do you hate/dislike more than 3 people?
Dislike more than 3 – yes. Hate – no. Hatred takes up too much energy.

82. Do you like bowling?

Yes, although I haven’t been for a long time.

83. Are you sarcastic?

NOOOOOO…

84. Have you ever slapped someone?

Yes, but not recently.

85. Do looks matter?

It depends on who I’m looking at!

86. Do you use chap stick?
I keep forgetting to.

87. Are you too forgiving?
No. I have a very, very long memory. It’s a greek thing.

88. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
What is that? I guess not.

89. Do you own a gun?

No, and never will I own a gun either. And I don’t think any of my friends do either.

90. Have you made a prank phone call?

Many times. We used to crank call 911 while at the Greek Church hall and ask for “Hooker Heaven” and things like that. Then the priest found out and the payphone mysteriously disappeared a few days later.

91. Have you ever been in a castle?

Not unless you count Boldt Castle in the 1000 Islands. And I don’t.

92. Do you like your hair?

No. I loathe my hair.

93. Do you like yourself?

most of the time.

94. Are you emotional?

Not particularly.

95. Are you sick of doing this survey?

yup!

96. When was the last time you talked on aim?

Oh – so that’s what A-I-M is!!!! never.

97.Did you meet anybody new today?

not yet. Still in the house.

98. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?

new socks from Sears.

I know, I know… three posts in two days?! (see Requiem to a Glue Gun and Homage to Miranda, 8 November) – but I couldn’t resist. I came across the following the other night when hunting for fake pearls in my bedroom drawer. (There is also a graveyard for watches there, by the way. I shall have to make another mosaic).

See this?

Ah, the Parthenon!! Remember this?
There would appear to be a trend going on here. But what a fancy pendant, eh? The coworkers all loved it!

It gets better. Have a look at the other side. Then there is this beauty:

I have no idea what purpose this is meant to have. I suspect it is something that you’re supposed to hang over your doorway. Greeks are big on hanging things over entrances thinking it’s good luck.

(And perhaps it is … until such time as it falls down and breaks – then out comes the dreaded koutala – weapon of choice of Greek mothers everywhere! – for breaking the good luck charm.

Here is a photo of my mother’s original koutala I stole it from her house. The cycle of violence ends HERE.

To be fair, I don’t think she ever used it on me. She probably just waved it around at me a few times when I was four and said “Wait until your father gets home.” However, I had blown the koutala up in my mind until it was roughly the size of a baseball bat. I actually couldn’t believe it when I found this in her kitchen drawer in my early 20s – it looked so small! So harmless!)

So, let’s turn back to deconstructing this miraculous good luck charm:

First, a door knocker.
I don’t get the “good luck” aspect of a doorknocker myself. Perhaps it just meant that the holder was the luckiest and richest person in the village because they actually had a door to hang it on? However, our modern version, the doorbell, certainly lacks aesthetic appeal in comparison.

Maybe it’s meant to symbolise knock knock knockin’ on heaven’s door? Did Eric Clapton have a Greek ancestor? Hmm.

Second and last, there’s the good old time honoured severed hand:

JJ thinks the two pieces were meant to be attached at some point. Maybe so (which begs the question… WHY?!?).

I just wish I still had this good luck doorknocker sent back by relatives from Greece with me some time ago. It weighed about five pounds, and looked like a dead hand holding a big ball. I tried to put it on the door to my first crappy apartment here, and the apartment door practically came off its hinges. It apparently got lost (or stolen?) in one of the 16 or so moves since then. SIGH.

So, on to my next treasure: just what every girl needs – a fancy charm bracelet!!

And not just any old charm bracelet, mind you. It is jam-packed with ancient Greek secret wisdom. Let me share some with you (you knew you weren’t going to get off lightly when you started reading this post, so don’t give me thatlook!!!

(a) The Fish
Um, er… now I can’t remember what this means. It is some sort of Greek Orthodox religious thing. I would probably know, except I was too busy during the liturgy (when still forced to go) pinching my little brother and passing notes with my friends.

Or – maybe it’s just there because it would taste very good battered and deep fried with a rocking side of skordalia. Please note that this is not my own recipe. That remains my (not so) ancient Greek secret. However, I’ll give you one tip – use instant mashed when making it. Really.

(b) The Grecian water jug
Remember this?

I’m beginning to think that the ancient Greeks lacked imagination. Perhaps they were too busy creating democracy and philosophy (not to mention plumbing, which they then lost for a couple of thousand years for some unknown reason? Let’s blame the Turks!)?

(c) The Pompom Shoe

Oh no! Takis lost his shoe!!
Perhaps his legs were too long for him to bend and pick it up? Hmm.

(d) The Unknown
I have no clue what this is meant to be. Also, strangely enough, it resisted all attempts to get a clearer photograph than this:

So, I think it must be either an evil owl (symbol of Greece, wisdom, etc… bla bla bla) or perhaps an ogre?… no, ogres are good. A zombie??!!

NB. After the fact, I consulted JJ on his understanding of this particular charm. I wish I hadn’t. He said “Well, it’s Janus, of courrrse!”. I said, effectively, huh?!? He then turned over the charm to reveal this: Apparently Janus guarded the many treasures of the Greek Gods. I so hate it when I am one-upped on my own heritage!!!

Where was I? Oh yes. Anyway, in case this is an evil charm, it’s a very good thing that I have an image of Holly Ogre, the Zombie Slayer hanging in my apartment:

(Er… actually, I think it’s St George the Dragon Slayer. I really should have paid attention at liturgy! Ah yes – here’s another photo of him hanging around in my apartment for some reason: Notice how his face resists capture – just like the Owl/Ogre. Coincidence? I think not! This image is over the door of the oldest Greek Orthodox church in Toronto, known as St George’s. No imagination, these Greeks, I tell you!)

The Ogre/Dragon slayer is part of a huge good luck charm in my apartment:

Evil eyes, boats – we should always be safe here, touch wood.

And to magnify the good luck aspect, I’ve paired it with a disco queen luck charm to celebrate my two heritages:

Oh – by the way, do you notice where this is hanging? Over an entrance!!!! Ah, tradition!

In signing off, I note that Glasgow, Scotland (JJs hometown) has today been selected as the site for the 2014 Commonwealth Games. JJ intends to participate in the weightlifting competition but only if magnums of whisky are used as the weights.)