I know… the photo is a bit blurry. It was taken by JJ, who is not used to the new camera yet. It’s a photo of me wearing barrister robes (which a colleague of mine left behind at our training day… of course I had to prance around in the apartment wearing them. I don’t have my own).

And here is the Loch Ness Lawyer!

(I can’t blame the blurriness on JJ this time. And I don’t think I’ll convince him to pose for another photo wearing the robes and a See Ya Jimmy Wig. Sigh.)

This is actually what I wore to the legal conference today:

Everyone loved the dress. And a couple of people actually tried to steal the River Rock scarf right off me. These lawyers have no shame, I can tell you!

The training, as these things go, was very productive indeed.

See the little orange marker? I knitted all the amount above that today while at the conference. (My boss was very impressed, by the way).

Should finish it tonight (the SOTSii must wait… I’ve been having beverages with the colleagues and I believe in the adage “don’t drink and knit lace”, frankly).

I bought this little tote bag at the conference:

The plan is to put freeform pieces on it around the circle – so that I will actually use it! Stay tuned…

And – I decided to drop by the laundry room when I got home this evening – look what I found!

A Misty Mountain all-weather jacket, and:
A black fleece! Both in my size! hee hee.

The legal seminar was surprisingly good. I learned that my ancestors still have a lot of influence in the legal process in Ontario:
(This is the guy who was “a bugger for the bottle”, according to the Three Bruces.

Obviously I’m a direct descendant…!)

And – the best part of the training was seeing Eugene Meehan, a litigator from Ottawa who is into plain writing. His goal is to banish legalese. Gotta like that. I like the plain writing myself, as you might have gathered – but you may well see improvements on the writing style in this blog after his presentation!

Eugene happens to be Scottish, like JJ (although they don’t know one another – I checked with JJ). I never, ever thought I would go to a legal training and see footnotes like:

* or, as my grandfather would say when I tried to reply to my mother with any sentence beginning with “But” – “Save yeer breath tae blaw on yeer pooridge”.

Very, very educational.

So, it’s been a guid couple of days… but back to the grind today. And they’re calling for a storm. Just this past Sunday, they called for lovely balmy (8 celsius) weather today. I don’t know why I bother watching the weather, actually…

Happy mid-week!

A handsome, intelligent, devoted, dependable, innovative uncle of mine who just bought a motorcycle

CORRIGENDUM: This post has been revised – the original post simply referred to “an uncle of mine”. It was rather churlish of me to forget to enumerate all of his fine qualities – which he wasted no time reminding me about, by the way. He is a prince among men, clearly. Sorry, Dennis!!

sent me an Email the other day, saying “I bet I’ve come across a craft you haven’t done yet.”

Well, I regret to say (given my big reputation as craft maven of the 21st century and all!) that he was right. Apparently, people are making fancy costumes out of… balloons!

I mean, check this out:

Now, any of you who have been coming here for a while know that this beauty would set my little heart aflutter. (But, as much as I like the hat, I do think it would look better with my Carmen Miranda headgear:

What say you?)

And here are some more wild balloon costumes:

A disco ball hat?! Hmm… Apokreas (greek orthodox version of Mardi Gras – the Greeks having to be different, it actually happens on a Saturday) must be coming up… which I really should know, and would know if I had a church calendar. Or if I ever bothered to go to church, for that matter… oh well.

Anyway, maybe I could use this as my costume? Um, perhaps a tad risque for that purpose, not to mention inadvisable for other reasons in Toronto in February…

So, how about this one?

Another homage to Carmen! Man, she has a lot to answer for. Must watch that Donald Duck movie where she appears again…or, how about this one!

An ideal Gay Pride costume, I think! I should make some up… I could probably get thousands of dollars selling them on Church Street during the festival…

But it’s not just costumes they’re making from balloons… there are some fancy evening dresses as well!

Check out this beauty in progress above – here is the finished result:

Pretty in purple. I do hope my friend Jennifer doesn’t read this – she will want one. If you ever meet Jennifer, do not leave any purple garment unattended around her. I’m serious.

Although it is lovely, I think this one is more my style:

Sadly, in reality I cannot see ever making, much less wearing one of these. Why? I have a deep dark secret – I’m scared of balloons. Profoundly scared. This is probably why I don’t have kids, actually – if I’m in the vicinity of a balloon I tend to cross the street – which is virtually impossible at a kid’s birthday party, I suppose. So, I would probably be hyperventilating a month in advance of planning the kid’s parties… sigh.

(Yes, yes… I know. Ridiculous. However, no more silly, I suppose, than being scared of clowns. Are you scared of clowns? I hadn’t realised how many people were until I sent this linkaround my past workplace suggesting that I make eight masks as a little uniform for us to wear at the Landlord and Tenant Board. I had several freaked-out responses in return, and two serious requests never to send anything like that again. I felt badly… but just had never thought about the possibility of clownphobia. There but for the grace of God go I….

And in light of my balloonphobia, you can only imagine how terrifying I found this photo. I could hardly bear to upload it as that meant I had to look at it again.

My hands are now starting to shake too much to type. So, back to some pretty stuff…).

Here is my favourite with a fancy matching pillbox hat (!!!) and another lovely evening gown:

Don’t you love the scalloped edging at the bottom! I wonder if it’s any simpler to make than picot edging… hmmm….

And, there’s even a wedding dress!

One question – how do you preserve it after the wedding? I smell a money making scam:

Brouhaha Heirloom Storage: we see to all your balloon dress storage needs*.

*we are not responsible for any breakage, deflation, etc and your one-time storage price is not refundable. I don’t care that I charged you $500.00 telling you that it was far cheaper than paying $60-70 a month over time…always read the fine print before signing anything a lawyer gives you, OK? Expensive lesson but it could have been worse… it’s not a cell phone contract after all where if you want to break the contract they make you mortgage your firstborn! (I didn’t have a first-born to mortgage so they basically told me I would owe them $25.00 a month into perpetuity. Many, many strong letters, aggrieved phone conversations and complaint to the CRTC later, I was finally released from the contract. Which I guess I should have read. So there.

Well, that’s enough beauty for one post, I think. Although I won’t be rushing off to the balloon shop anytime soon, it’s always wonderful to see ultra-creativity!

Cheers,

Kristina

PS. Just looked up Apokreas… it passed on 2 February! Sigh.

PPS. I had a very productive work training day yesterday…
Lots of talking heads = lots of knitting time. At the seminar I knitted everything from the little slip of paper (an impromptu marker, if you like) to the top!

Are you craving a slinky sexy show-off-your-assets silky top to banish the winter blues (or, if in Australia or anywhere else where it is summer right now, to prance around with at the beach)?

If so, do I have the tutorial for you!! Well, perhaps not “tutorial” so much as “half-assed step by step ramble on how to put together your very own custom fit Moebius-bosom top” (and if you’ve tripped across this tutorial by accident, check out the original blog post for more pics!

Legalistic type bumf: Please feel free to print out for your own use and to share with other knitters or link from your own blog. However, kindly do not repost in full without crediting me. All rights reserved. Moebius technique is the work of Cat Bordhi and is not reproduced here. The idea for the beaded bodice is adapted from the River Rock scarf by Sivia Harding.

Secondary warning… this post is very, very long. It has some technique photos and that’s my excuse.)

1. Get one of the Treasuries of Magical Knitting by Cat Bordhi for instructions on the Moebius cast-on technique.

I know, I know – some tutorial when I’m telling you to shell out cash up front (unless, of course, you already have one of these wonderful books!). However, you won’t regret it.

(And please note that I can’t vouch for any other techniques to accomplish this effect, which is basically knitting a short scarf in the round which is attached at both ends with a half-twist in it. Except that Cat explains it far better than I. Get the book. All page references given here are for A Treasury of Magical Knitting.)

2. Do a tension/gauge sample.

Now, as you might have gathered, I’m not a big fan of swatching in the ordinary course. However, for a top like this it was necessary because even a couple of inches differential over the whole Moebius would mean that it would be sagging on me.

The yarn I used was Svale of Dalegarn (a DK/worsted with cotton/silk/viscose blend – 50g=108m). I got a tension of 20 sts and 28 rows over 4″ / 10 cm using 4mm needles.

Oops – this step assumes you’ve picked yarn! How silly. You see the specs above. The Svale is very nice to work with, and results in a soft fabric. Some good subs would be:

– Ella Rae Silkience (cotton/modal/silk/rayon
– SWTC Oasis (soysilk – but caution, it might sag)

If you don’t want the silky sheen, I’d go for a light cotton. If you want ultra clingy, try Cascade Fixation. And of course there’s always Handmaiden Silken… STOP!!

Oh – you will need circular needles of 47″ length for the Moebius. For the rest of the top, if planning to knit in the round, pick whichever needles best go with your body size. I used 32″ circulars, which would work OK for a medium or large as well.

3. Decide what size you want to make for yourself.

I should note that in the pattern for myself there were several inches of negative ease. This means that for a 34″ bustline (my bra size is 34C) I elected to make a smaller top to ensure a close fit – 29″ or so.

Cat Bordhi makes this very easy by providing a chart of how many stitches to cast on for a Moebius Scarf (at p.20). For my purpose (because I wanted something very closefitting) I erred on the side of caution and came up with a number partway between “my” size and the next smallest – 144 stitches.

For your purpose, you’ll need to decide if you want the bust piece super tight (like mine) or less tight (as would work out with Cat’s recommendation for the scarf size).

Example:

– my stitch tension was 20 stitches per four inches or five stitches per inch.
– I wanted a 32″ circumference.
– at my tension, to get a 32″ circumference, I would have to cast on [32×5=] 160 stitches.
– however, I wanted it a bit closer fitting so elected to go with 144 stitches or approximately 29″ circumference (my sample was quite stretchy).

If you are not as much of a showoff as I (which I imagine is quite likely!), I’d go with two or three inches of negative ease.

You will also need to know how wide you want to make your Moebius strip. For this, I suggest measuring yourself wearing a comfortable bra (by which I mean, one which provides good coverage, mind you). Take the measurement right from the bottom of the cup to where you think you want the Moebius to cover up to:

Mine was seven inches. If you are more modest than I, you might want to add an inch or two.

NB. One suggestion (which Cat kindly gave me in an Email) to double-check all of this: cut up an old t-shirt in the approximate length and width and try it out to see what works for you… then calculate your stitch tension per inch and multiply by the number of inches you want. (And… follow the time-honoured adage “Do as I say, not as I do” because I was too foolhardy lazy free-spirited to do this, but it is a good idea.

Clear as mud?

FAQ: How many skeins of yarn will I need for my top?

Well, I don’t know if you’ll be any wiser at the end of this question: but if you’ve got a similar tension to me and use the same or a similar yarn, I can give you a rough guide.

My moebius strip took 90g of yarn and contained 6,400 stitches (25 rows x 256 sts) plus cast on plus cast off = approximately 6,800 stitches worth for a seven inch wide Moebius.

The ribbed portion took 180g of yarn and contained 9548 stitches (77 rows x 124 sts) for an 11 inch length. With casting off, I approximate 9,750 stitches.

The straps took approximately 25 grams of yarn total (this is a high estimate – I didn’t actually weigh it) and were 840 stitches (70 rows x 12 stitches) – with casting off let’s say 880 stitches worth.

So:

total stitches = [6,800 + 9,750 + 880=] 17,430 stitches (wow! Don’t let this put you off! My Curve of Pursuit had something like 90,000 stitches in it…)

total grams of yarn = [90 + 180 + 25 =]270

total yardage: this yarn had 108m per 50 grams or [108 / 50 =]2.16 m per gram. So – the total is [270 grams x 2.16] = 583 metres.

This worked out to just less than six skeins of the Svale. Now, I don’t vouch for the math, but if you know how long you want the top to be and how big the Moebius, AND you have a swatch, you can work it out for yourself! See why swatching is important?!

End of speech.

Stressed out yet? Fear not. This was the hardest part by far. Trust me. And I’m not even good at maths!

4. String some beads onto your yarn.

For this pattern you will need to put the beads directly onto your working yarn. Here’s how: You will need dental floss threaders (available at most drugstores):

I think they look like nooses. JJ thinks they look like lassoes (I think he watched too many westerns growing up…or maybe I’m just warped. Probably both things are true…).

Anyway, put a long tail of your yarn through the “noose” part (and if you want to save yourself a lot of effing and blinding, make it at least nine inches or so. You really don’t want to be picking up beads off the floor, do you?! I learned this from bitter experience).

Then slip some beads onto the long part like so:

…and push them down over the noose onto the yarn. Simple, eh?

As a rough guide as to how many beads to start with – I used 2 skeins (100g) of my chosen yarn for the Moebius and placed 342 beads in it. So – if you want a similar amount of beads, go with 170 or so beads on the first skein to be safe.

You might want to push groups of them down further into your skein before starting to knit, to avoid them all bunching up. But – it’s good exercise! You should see my biceps!!

4. Find some stitch markers.

If you’re as lackadaisical as I tend to be, you may well not even know what these are. So, just in case:

The ones on the left side are removable (and I will confess that I didn’t know what these were until I saw them mentioned in a crochet book a year ago or so). The other ones are the regular kind. Removable stitch markers in particular are your friends. Use liberally.

Since I left this note rather late in the tutorial, you may not be in a position to go out and buy removable stitch markers. Waste yarn and a tapestry needle will give the same result. Just take at least six inches of the waste yarn and thread it through the live stitch with the tapestry needle, letting both ends dangle.

6. Start knitting!

Finally!! you say!!

Cast on the appropriate amount of stitches using the Moebius technique.

An alternative… you could, I suppose, just knit a long strip in the appropriate length and width then just fold over and sew together. I believe Elizabeth Zimmerman did this. It will not be a true Moebius strip but could well work.

Start to knit, placing a marker at the beginning of the round. If you are planning to use beads, you should place another marker midway through your stitches (so as to distinguish between the front and the back). Note that while you are knitting this it doesn’t matter which is which… just that half your stitches should be marked off as “front” and half as “back”.

Bead pattern:
I would encourage you to experiment with this. However, if you really want to go with mine, here it is (mine was done over 25 rows and 72 stitches – half of 144 for the total – for an approximate width of seven inches). You could use stitch markers to divide off your sequences. Mine was done over a nine stitch sequence and repeated eight times, knitting all rows – you could choose to knit, purl or alternate – up to you!):

Row 1: knit.
Row 2: place bead (PB) between 7th and 8th stitch; repeat
Row 3: PB between 6th and 7th stitch
Row 4: PB between 1st and 2nd stitch
Row 5: PB between 3rd and 4th stitch
Row 6: PB between 4th and 5th stitch
Row 7: PB between 5th and 6th stitch
Row 8: PB between 6th and 7th stitch
Row 9: PB between 2nd and 3rd stitch

Rows 10-12: knit (or purl) all rows

Rows 13-20: repeat Rows 2 through 9, but backwards. That is, start at Row 9 (which is now Row 13) and end at Row 2 (which is now Row 20).

Row 21: knit (or purl) one row.

(time to scrap the nine row repeat!)

Row 22: PB between 1st and second stitch and then every third stitch after
Row 23: PB between 2nd and 3rd stitch and then every third stitch to the end of your front piece
Row 24: PB between 3rd and 4th stitch and then every third stitch after

(this results in little left leaning diagonal slashes.

Row 25: Knit (or purl) one row.

After this (or after you’ve finished the number of rows you need to get the width you want!), it will be time to cast off.

FAQ: How do I place beads?
Simple! Knit to the stitch just before where you want to place the bead, then insert the needle into the back of the next stitch (k1b) and shove the bead right to the base of your working yarn.

Bring the yarn over the needle as you do when you are knitting without beads…

…then slip the stitch off the needle. Voila! (Oops – the photo for that one didn’t turn out. Oh well.)

If you’re purling, the same principles apply. Do not worry if the bead doesn’t look like it’s sitting normally. This will correct itself. I promise.

7. Cast off your Moebius then pick up stitches to knit the body of your top.
I recommend the applied i-cord castoff that Cat Bordhi favours (and displays very well with photos in the book at p. 28-29). The technique can also be seen here. It is a bit tedious to my view, but worth the result.

Put a removable stitch marker on the first stitch. This will form the centre front of your top.

Why a removable marker? I just want to save you the heartache that comes from your flinging stitch markers under the couch by accident in the deluded belief that the stitch marker will not go missing from the needles…

#$&*@#($*#@&$(*#$. I believe that the underside of my couch is Toronto’s biggest graveyard for stitch markers. I should note that I don’t really know, as I haven’t ever cleaned under the couch in some time. But I’m digressing.

Cat also describes how to pick up stitches beneath the i-cord (in the hat pattern at pp. 66-67). Pick up the stitches as if to knit on the right side, but inside the moebius itself. It doesn’t matter which side you select – trust me!).

The trick here – you only need to pick up HALF the bound off stitches (in my example, 144 instead of 288 – the Moebius technique results in your knitting double the amount of stitches in each round that you have cast on. All will make sense when you see the Book.). The other half will form the top opening.

Now, if you decide to try on the tube top at this point and find it to be loose and hanging down on the top, fret not. I did, and it wasn’t worth it. All will work out.

8. Knit the body of your top.

The number of rows you knit will depend upon how long you want the top.

First row: join work to knit in the round, marking the first stitch (which is at the centre and front). Knit to just before the last stitch in a round (that is, the stitch before the marker). Slip that stitch to your right needle, remove the marker, replace the stitch you just slipped to the left needle, then knit the next three stitches together – this decreases two stitches from your total. Place a removable marker on your right needle just before the resulting stitch (new first stitch of the round).

I did all of this to eliminate a little gap that had formed at the base of the moebius fold. If you need to repeat it on the second round (as I did), no problem. Just make sure you factor in the reduced stitch count.

After this, what you do is up to you, really! I had initially decided just to do a plain stockinette – and I still think that would look very good with the Moebius at the top. However, I had some beads left and so I elected to pay honour to Sivia Harding’s lovely River Rock scarf pattern with a similar pattern.

I used a 4×4 rib for the entire base. Beyond that, I don’t feel comfortable sharing how I placed the beads because it is very highly derivative of Sivia’s pattern (which I would recommend that anyone try – it’s in the No Sheep for You book or possibly available through her website. Check out her blog while you’re at it for some of the most beautiful lace patterns I’ve ever seen!).

The rib has the benefit of not needing any waist shaping (which I find to be a pain, although I like the end result enough to go for it).

All this to say – go wild and do whatever you want! It’s your top! A little flared “skirt” at the bottom would be lovely too – or cables – or whatever your little heart desires!

9. Come up with some straps for your top.

I would encourage creativity here… having said that, I kind of chickened out and went for
rather common or garden knitted straps.

I had actually thought about using a necktie to sew in some straps…

… but didn’t really have anything in the right colours (this was the closest. Must go to Goodwill soon!). JJ has one which would have been perrrfect, but I value my life and I don’t know what quality it would have if I took scissors to his favourite necktie!

Other ideas include:

– wide grosgrain ribbon
– i-cord
– x back knitted straps (check out the X-back Ribbon Tank on knitty.com for instructions).

I went with a 4×4 rib (like in the bottom of my piece) and placed one “bead rock” on each strap:

Oops – the photo is sideways! Oh well. You get the point, I’m sure.

Whichever method you choose, here’s a trick to figure out the correct length. If you’ve got someone to help you out, try on the top and hold up the Moebius to the point at which you want it to rise (or fall, depending upon your mood…!). Then get your friend to measure from point to point over your shoulders.

If you don’t have anyone to help you out, or are impatient to get it done… take said favourite bra, try on the top over it, and mark with safety pins where you want the top to fit. Then measure.

(You may have noticed that in both photos with the measuring tape I have measured from the end of the tape. I tell JJ that this is because I want to practice my maths skills. The real reason is that it came wound up like that, and I’m too lazy to rewind it all. Sigh).

Anyway, I then picked up stitches in the appropriate places and knit the straps on. To bind off, I picked up an inside stitch under the i-cord on the opposite side together with my live stitch and bound off that way.

10. Find your fanciest hat and go to town showing off your fabulous new top!
I hope this tutorial has been somewhat useful, or at least marginally amusing. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop me a line!

Cheers,

Kristina

PS. I do realise after the fact that this tutorial jumps from point 4 to point 6. I’ve made an editorial decision not to change it to the proper numbering as I think this boo-boo goes with the tone of the post… 🙂

Yesterday, I stayed in out of the thaw (because there is nothing I can’t stand more is being splashed by cell-phone wielding maniac SUV drivers on Bathurst Street. I swear they speed up deliberately in order to find a big puddle and splash me!!) and got quite a bit of knitting done.

First of all, a new top which I designed myself is FINISHED! This is part of the top in progress:

More pics to follow tomorrow – I need to get JJ to take one of me for once. I suspect I will look better in this top than Aphrodite, difficult as that may be to believe.

Next, I did a swatch for another design project – another top (man, I’m so original!!!)

The yarn is Ella Rae Silkience – lovely stuff (cotton/modal/silk/rayon blend). This sweatch is knitted on 3.75mm needles – the yarn actually calls for 4.5 – 5mm but I wanted a tighter fabric for my purpose.

I also did a few rows on the SOTSii. Photos will ensue once I have done some more work on it, probably today.

Then I started plotting a mosaic I have in mind: a self-portrait based on The Scream.

This isn’t working out all that well, actually. I think I’m taxing my artistic skills, and should probably just concentrate on reproducing the original. Besides, my model leaves to be desired:

Agh.

I also spent some time yesterday studying the culinary arts courtesy of the Toronto Public Library:

Have you seen Alton’s books? (I know Holly is a big fan). I find him a tad irritating on the Food Network but the books are quite amusing and also talk a lot about the science in preparing food, which I find interesting.

Having said that, it was a big mistake to bring the “Gear for your Kitchen” one into the house… or at least to look at it in JJs vicinity. He immediately seized upon it and started making a verbal list of all the kitchen gadgets we have (and do quite well without, if I do say so myself).

He then went to get a copy of our lease to find out if tub smokers were prohibited (answer: they’re not, as such, but I suspect that “no flammables” covers it. JJ, however, has a long history of not listening to my legal advice, usually to his peril).

I started to get a bit worried, and finally had to remind him that our covenant upon moving in together did not sound like this:

(His response? “Oh aye? And just hoo much does all that yarrrn that you keep sneaking in here thinking ah’m no’ lookin’ cost, anyway?” Good point.)

And finally, I tried to find some cover art for all those relationship/knitting books we were plotting away at earlier this week. Remember these?

– Living in Sin – Stylin’ Knits for Shackin’ Chicks – Divorce Knits – Reclaim your Style – Say No To Booties – Fashions for the Childfree.

Surely this must work for one of them:

I’ll use “Doghouse Knits” as a working title, I think… any other suggestions?

(And, by the way, I’ve been industrious, haven’t I?! Aren’t you impressed?!?)

Well, time to stop blatting on, and get JJ, also known as:
out of bed and out to Loblaws and the all-hallowed Store of Liquors to pick up the week’s provisions.

Happy Sunday!

That’s me, lounging around the castle last evening.

I’ve showed you pictures of my house before, right?

It was snowing outrageously all day, so I generously let most of the staff go home early. (After all the pots had been scrubbed, of course🙂

My chief and most loyal serf, JJ, stayed behind to take photos:

But the snow has finally stopped!
It is rather pretty, I must confess. Apparently we had some visitors last evening…

Hey wait… I thought all the birds had flown south by now? Man, this global warming has a lot to answer for.

And – rarely seen proof of the existence of the Loch Ness Monster!!!
(JJ advises me that the Loch Ness Monster was actually an old-time chief of his own clan, who had too much of the malt one day and slipped into Loch Lomond, never to return in human form. He should really be a tour guide – I actually believed this for 45 seconds or so! The whisky was a good realistic touch, mind you).

And as if there weren’t enough ice around, I brought home some of my own:

Pearly seed beads! Hard to tell from the pic (especially since idiot old me thought it was a good idea to photograph them on top of the snow), but half are opalised and half are plain white. The opalised ones are intended for my SOTSii! Stay tuned…

Oh, and I had to snap up these as well, even though I already have another 23,000 or so beads in the house presently:

Why, oh why, did I go out into an ice storm to the bead shop? Because…
Oh – and I received a little “giftie” at the office yesterday from a swap on the knittyboard. In exchange for some extra 3mm needles I had hanging around, Goknitgirl generously donated the following to my stash:

Koigu Painters’ Palette sock yarn!!! Almost enough to make me want to take up yarn knitting. (And no, Amy, you can’t have it.)

I leave you with this parting thought (the images, by the way, are by Anne Taintor and come from last year’s daytimer):

Hmm… replace the apples with hanks of yarn and the basket with a blog post and that well could be me touting the benefits of Handmaiden, Malabrigo, etc… I should be in advertising!

Happy Saturday…

Well, yesterday was the 30th which means only one thing in the House of Brouhaha: PayDay!!!

To top it off, I had received a rebate cheque the day before from Canada Post for yet another parcel they had lost – sigh. I think that a few months back my local postal station turned into a black hole. There are no doubt little gift packages with my chicken scratch on it floating around out there somewhere in space…

So – because I was meeting Bronwen on College Street, I made a little expedition to Lettuce Knit.

And thisis what the evil kind yarnie people had sitting right near the front door to the shop:

Schaefer Anne laceweight! Now, I’ve heard lots about this stuff but didn’t think you could buy it on the shelf in Canada. And – what a luscious coral colour!

Then, stupidly, I decided to look on the Malabrigo shelf and saw this Tortuga shade:

“Tortuga”, as far as I know, means “turtle”. However, I think that this colour should be called Espeluznante (which means “spooky”).

(I should note that Good Kristina made a brief appearance at around this point… so all is not lost. The first appearance in 2008, I should add. At least it’s still January:

Good Kristina: STOP BUYING LACEWEIGHT LARN!!! You have plenty at home.

Evil Kristina: Not spooky yarn, I don’t. And the spooky stuff is perfect for the Muir shawl.

Good Kristina: That’s what you said about the beige stuff!

Evil Kristina: Well, I was wrong. It happens, surprising though that may be to you – Miss Perfect!!

Good Kristina: But you’ve already got all of this other Malabrigo at home, and you don’t even know what you’re going to make with it yet?

Evil Kristina: (with leisurely Mediterranean shrug) So?! (taking a drag on cigarette)

Good Kristina: How much lace can you make, anyway?!?

Evil Kristina: (blowing smoke in Good Kristina’s face) Oh, I don’t know. I thought I might try a super duper multicoloured version of Debbie New’s lace coracle and use it to float you out into the middle of Lake Ontario:

Good Kristina: Oh, get over yourself!

Evil Kristina: Ah, shuddup already.

And that, as they say, was that.

I had also gone to Arton at lunchtime and bought all these beads:

And these ones (10 packs for $10!):

So, it was a shiny happy day for me! Not to mention my progress on my commuting project…

…and this book I scored at the library:

And no, this is not my passive-aggressive way of sharing any BIG NEWS with you. Rather, I’m planning a knitting design book and want ideas. There’s this one, and the other one about “Don’t knit your boyfriend a sweater until he has the ring”. So, I’m thinking of a couple of companion volumes:

– Living in Sin – Stylin’ Knits for Shackin’ Chicks

– Divorce Knits – Reclaim your Style

– Say No To Booties – Fashions for the Childfree.

Do you think Interweave Press would go for it? Hmm.

Hey – I just learned that Handmaiden published pics of my Shazam scarf on her blog! She thinks it’s majestic!! And she mentions that they have come out with Double Sea Silk. I’m in real trouble now, I can tell you… sigh.
Well, time to think about getting to the office. Wishing you all a wonderful Thursday!

Having said to myself that I would have a knit-free evening last evening, I did however make a start on this beauty:

This will be my new travel project – so simple! The only thing complicated is the yarn – Fleece Artist Goldiehair (silk/mohair/nylon blend). The end result should be a large triangular shawl – all in garter stitch!!

So, why did I need cheering up? Because yesterday I did a fill in shift as “lawyer of last resort” at my old workplace (and the place I’m slotted to go back to in a couple of months’ time, goddess help us all!), the Eviction Factory Landlord and Tenant Board.

(I’m going to preface this little rant by saying that it is written entirely in my personal capacity and on my own time. )

This job involves advising tenants on the day of their eviction hearings before the Board. In this regard, I had the mind-numbing, headache-inducing, rage-inspiring experience pleasure of reviewing at least five “tenant ledger” printouts prepared by one particular MegaLandLord in Toronto (and much of the rest of Ontario, and Montreal, for that matter!) who shall remain nameless (all I’ll say is that their name begins with M, ends with P has less than seven letters and is a contracted form of their previous name). After more than a year away I had forgotten what a supreme joy this task is.

(A joy that is heightened, mind you, by having some landlord agent standing directly outside the door to my office bellowing into a cell phone to a tenant along the lines of:

I keep telling you, if you leave without giving 60 days’ notice in WRITING, that is PUNISHABLE by one’s month’s rent? Do you hear me?…

Buddy, s/he could have heard you without the cellphone – even if she lived at the other end of the city!!!

You’re not listening – I told you it’s PUNISHABLE BY ONE MONTH’S RENT!!!

Punishable?? Who was this guy, the Lord High Executioner? Makes me wonder what non-payment for two months is punishable by: being hung by the neck until you are dead? Public flogging and humiliation?

But I didn’t have time to mull this over and I couldn’t actually hear what my client was saying to me over this racket. So, I stepped into the hallway, took the guy’s phone out of his hand, and closed it, cutting off the call. I’m serious. I then advised him that bellowing on mobile phones outside the Duty Counsel office was punishable by having said mobile phone inserted where the sun don’t shine.

WANKER: (whining) But this is the only place I can get reception in this $#(@*$&#(@* place.

ME: No it’s not – the reception is just fine… OUTSIDE. Take the elevator to the first floor and walk out the front door.

WANKER: bla bla bla… my taxes pay your salary… bla bla bla… lazy evil tenants… yak yak yak…. I’ll sue you…

ME: SECURITY!!!!

WANKER then apparently decided that the reception might well be better outside, after all. Another one for the good guys.)

But I digress, as usual…. Anyway, I simply cannot understand how a major landlord commanding millions of dollars of rent money in any given month cannot employ people who can keep a set of books properly. I am trained in this area and it is almost impossible to make sense of their byzantine charge system – I don’t know how any tenant can manage, actually.

Not to mention the following even more serious issues:

• crediting other tenants’ payments to your ledger by accident and crediting your payments goddess alone knows where.

• sticking little charges onto the ledger which are illegal under the statute. Yesterday’s example: a “skip fee” (actually itemised as “MC#483259259823457235 skipfee-nonoticegiven”) of $150.00. This is not a legal charge – and this landlord knows that they cannot use the Board to collect it for them. However, that doesn’t stop them from hitting tenants up for it anyway… and if the tenant doesn’t know their rights they might well shell out for it.

(The most ridiculous example I’ve seen of this [and I’ve seen a lot] was the stunt another major landlord [whose name begins and ends with R and has eight letters] tried to pull a couple three years back – sticking a clause in the standard form tenancy agreement to the effect of “if the tenant gets a pet, the tenant will be responsible for a $250.00/month charge over and above the rent.” Call it what you like, I call that rent for pets. And THAT is illegal… and $250.00!!! How much hydro does my goldfish use in any given month, anyway? Must be all that water to fill the bowl… anyone, some disgruntled tenant phoned the Toronto Star who published a story on it – and hey presto, no more pet charge!!!)

• Putting a Landlord and Tenant Board filing fee onto the ledger a full two months before filing the application and paying the fee. Now, my forte is not accounting. However, if anyone can tell me what bookkeeping principles allow for charging an expense fee before it is incurred, there’s a case of Keith’s IPA in it for you.

Now – what I would like to see is an accounting of how much Large Nameless Corporate Landlords take in on an annual basis resulting from … well, such practices that have the distinct appearance of fiddles. Actually, there’s a lot of financial info I’d love to see from these landlords. Not enough, I guess, that in Ontario they are not subject to rent controls on vacant units and also get annual increases based on the CPI if they want them… my little comic strip is not as offbase as one might think. And I thought I was exaggerating!

Well, when I’m

(or is it…

… things are going to change. A great deal. Wait for it.

In the meantime, perhaps this is all a big cosmic sign that I should be getting back to my Modern Feudalism project? (I’ve been hacking away at it page by page. The inspirational juices are newly flowing, however.)

Well, now it’s time to start the working day… I gather that surfing while working is punishable by… hmm, I don’t know what. Probably firing, then ensuing penury, I guess – just like in the Landlord scheme.

SIGH.

I managed to get 40 rows done today, and only frogged once!! This is a photo of what I knitted today… from rows 55 through 94!

Yay! Also am liking the yarn quite a bit more (although did I mention that it bleeds colour?). Maybe I can become a lace queen after all…

Hope I didn’t just jinx myself… 🙂

Best of luck to all in the KAL!

Well, I guess I had a couple too many last night with the Tenant Advocates, because somehow I managed to lose both my camera and my fancy new beaded winter hat!!!

Sigh.

I have phoned approximately 50 cab companies in the somewhat misguided hope that the cab driver who brought me home actually found it and turned it in. No such luck.
Amazing that I already feel like I’m in withdrawal. I won’t be able to replace it until next week Wednesday when I get paid. Don’t think I can con JJ into replacing it for me any sooner … let’s just say he was not favourably impressed by the situation. And who could blame him, really?!

This is a particular shame as I had taken some very wonderful photos of the gang, who mostly gave me permission to post them here. Oh well – next time.

So, in the meantime, what else is new?

My coworker Paul made me a sign for my door at work. Apparently, this is what the coworkers think about me: The correct sign

I say “the correct sign” because he actually initially misspelled my title. This was the first sign that he made: The misspelled sign

Please feel free to use, adapt, etc. to your own purposes if this suits you!

Also, in other news, Batty sent me a link to this pattern, saying she though immediately of me!

A Carmen Miranda baby hat!

Now, how do you think I could adapt the pattern to make one for myself?!?

Happy Saturday! On the upside, I plan to do nothing but knit today. What a luxury!