Category: humour

memories of Cape Breton…

6 Comments

Now, I warn you in advance: I have decided that I would like to return to live in Cape Breton when I win the lottery manage to find a legal aid job in Nova Scotia which will never, ever happen retire.  So, I took a million photos of the place.  Well, 502 photos to be quite exact.  I’ll only show you a fraction of those, I promise…

Let me first start with telling you about one of the best yarn shops I’ve ever been too, Baadeck Yarns.  It is located in Baddeck (get it?!?).  The owner, Patricia, is from Toronto but decided to move down there and open a yarn shop after a vacation some time back.  And I’m very glad she did, too.

Why?  Well, first off, she carries an exclusive line of colours by the Fleece Artist/Handmaiden… which she helped design herself.  And if I dare say so myself, I managed to exercise significant self-control in the face of this, buying only two skeins of HM Sea Silk in the Blueberry Mist colourway:

She also carries Tilli Tomas products which I had never seen in person before… so of course I had to snap up two skeins of the Moroccan Blue silk prestrung with beads:

Patricia was also kind enough to let me drool over fondle the Tilli Tomas Swarovski crystal studded silk which she had in stock.  At $125/120 yards I couldn’t really see fit to buying any, although I was sorely tempted.  (By the way, for you knitters out there, I am deliberately not including a link as I think it would probable be actionable if you checked it out and lost your house as a result.  Having said that, I did link it somewhere previously on this blog and I think if you search “bling” you’ll find the link.  Heh heh).

All I can say is that it’s just a very guid thing that JJ was along, otherwise the rent cheque for June would have gon bounce bounce bounce into the Atlantic for certain.  Oh – and if you are anywhere near Nova Scotia, do visit Patricia!  It will be worth the trip, I can assure you.

All right, all right… enough yarn pron.  Back to the vacation.  We spent two full days on the Cabot Trail, which is a road through the mountainous part of Cape Breton spanning approximately 120 kilometres.

JJ insisted on driving the first day but I got to drive the second!!  It is a fabulous drive.  The topography changes constantly.

There are all sorts of little curiosities along the way, such as, for example, the Lone Sheiling (a replica of a highland hut):

The federal government pours lots of money into the Cabot Trail (quite rightly, I think) so that they can keep it vibrant and replant trees… here is a baby birch tree!

I was happy for that, because it means that we can keep enjoying lovely views like this:

…and this:

…and so on…

…and so forth:

That’s me, by the way, at one of the highest points – about 500 metres above sea level!

I loved the mountains, obviously:

…but also the beaches.

…and even the rocks.  Nay, especially the rocks!

JJ, on the other hand, loved this site the best!


When I gently suggested that he was perhaps spending too much money at the place which manufactures the only Canadian malt whisky, and that he didnae really need a sample of every year that they’ve made..

…he pointed to the back of my newly acquired T-shirt:

Fair enough, I guess.  Anyway, he was just feeling cocky because we were in Scottish territory, where some of the road signs are even printed in English and Gaelic!

We also, by the way, ate fabulous Acadian food in Cheticamp, where the signs are in English and French.  (And by the way, if you’re coming to Nova Scotia, bring your fat clothes.  The food is great, unless you’re a vegetarian.  JJ wanted to take a photo of me eating the 10th order of fresh fish and chips but I refused as it would have been embarrassing to show my face buried in the plate.

I will part with photos of my favourite place in Cape Breton, which was Inverness, where we stayed.  This beach was within a two minute walk of the motel…

…and the sun sets very kindly on Inverness (when it’s around, that is, as the locals would hasten to tell you.  Apparently it’s not around all that often.  But when it is, it is glorious!)

That is about it for the vacation photos, I promise.  Only I still have to show you some of my fabulous acquisitions, as there are many great artisans in the province.  And you can get a palace of a condo even in Halifax (the capital) for what it would cost you for a 450 sq ft bachelor in Toronto.  I really need to move there.  Sigh.

Cheers,

Kristina

boring vacation photos, part I…

9 Comments

(…and don’t say you weren’t warned.  Now is your chance to hit the back button.)

I must say that JJ and I both had a blast on our extended vacation down East.  JJ had decided that we should take the train both ways.  At first, I was a tad sceptical (it takes just over 27 hours total, and I am not all that guid in close quarters as you can imagine).  But then I learned that they had a bar car on the train…

… so all was well.  It was also a great way to travel in that I got to see parts of Quebec I’ve never been in, and also New Brunswick…

…and somehow I didn’t even manage to piss off JJ!

Our first port of call was Halifax, which is on the Atlantic Ocean.  So you get to see lots and lots of big fancy boats:

… and look how clean the water is right in the dock!

A far cry from Lake Ontario, I can tell you.

Unexpectedly, I got to see Pier 21, where most of the immigrants to Canada landed prior to 1971, including my own father.  They had an interesting museum, including a photo of the boat that he came in on!

Halifax is also chock full of Irish pubs, which didnae take us too long to find.

And after a few pints of Guinness, JJ even managed to capsize a ship!

I should really, really be living in Halifax.  I mean, check this out… they give you potato chip topping for your street meat!!

While in Halifax, we also went on a real life pirate sailboat!

And see… here’s Johnny Depp piloting it!

Well, OK… not Johnny Depp.  Lars Lancebottom or something like that (I’m sure that was his real name, too)… but he was a nice guy.

And then we found another Irish pub of JJ’s past acquaintance, with real-live Irish snugs!

We were actually staying in Dartmouth, which is a twin city to Halifax and across the water.  Since JJ did not want to pay the 75 cent toll for the bridge, we had to take the ferry…

Oh – and I got to meet my all-time hero, Mr. Alexander Keith!!!!

We would have taken a tour of the brewery, but they wanted $16.50 per head and we decided that was best spent on some cold Keith’s.  Far cheaper, by the way, than in Toronto.

After a couple of days of debauchery and hanging around the Halifax waterfront, we decided to rent a car and hit the road.  The first stop was apparently a mandatory one if you visit this province: the lighthouse at Peggy’s Cove.

This is quite the tourist spot and I was happy we were there out of season, I can tell you!  They have spooky signs hanging around such as this one:

… and if you picture this coastline in winter, you can see why.

We then spent a day travelling the South coast of the province, which includes such lovely sights as Lunenberg:

It’s full of houses like that, all painted different colours! Lunenberg is also home of the Bluenose II, featured on our dime:

This is what she looks like in real life, at least when on vacation:

We then decided to travel to Cape Breton, a large island which is part of Nova Scotia.  Upon JJs insistence, the first stop there was at an old French military installation at Louisburg:

I thought this would be quite boring, but the scenery was spectacular!


They have set the fort up as an exact replica of what it would have looked like in the 1700s when it was in active use – right down to the house of worship that the soldiers were all forced to attend:

This is just a small part of the grand apartment designated for the Governor (Old French for “Grand Poobah”) at the base:

And, pray tell, where did his wife stay?

Er… not quite.  But this was about the extent of her quarters:

Go figure, eh?  Leaving the fortress, you come upon an ancient (by Canadian standards, anyway) cemetery right next to the water:

We then found a place to stay with, reputedly, the best sunsets in the East Coast:

This is the beach at Inverness, where we stayed for five days or so:

I must confess that I was fascinated by the ocean rocks and brought an embarrassing number home with me.  So many, in fact, that our baggage weighed… ahem… well over the alloted amount.

We tried to leave our mark on the beach…

…but sadly the ocean had washed it away within five minutes or so.  Sigh.

Well, I think that’s about enough for now.  Stay tuned for tomorrow’s installation, with more pictures of the Cabot Trail than you want to see, I’m sure… and also the PayDay Haul.  Here is a preview:

Cheers,

Kristina

I’m baaaaaaack… and a meme!

4 Comments

Hey all – back in TO sweating gently in 500 degrees C/650 degrees C with the humidex weather!  Blech.  The holidays, by contrast, were fabulous.   Boring travel photos plus my Payday acquisitions while in Nova Scotia will follow tomorrow.  

This is because I have some unexpected business to attend to today because that little minx Amy, knowing I was away, tagged me for a meme. Sigh.

But actually, this one looks kind of fun as all the questions must be answered with photos. 🙂 I’m not going to tag anyone as I’m too lazy to think of five names, but if anyone wants to lift it and do it themselves, could you let me know when you’ve posted it? 🙂

Well, here goes:

1. What is your current relationship status?

 

2. What is your current mood?

3. What is your favorite band/singer?

4. What is your favorite movie?

5. What kind of pets do you have?

6. Where do you live?

 

7. Where do you work?

8. Who do you look like?

9. What do you drive?

 

10. What did you do Saturday?

 

11. What did you do Sunday?

12. What’s your favorite TV show?

13. Describe yourself.

14. What’s your favorite candy?

Well, that’s all she wrote, folks. 

Hasta manana!

 

save the duckies!!

4 Comments

Yesterday, I learned with great dismay that the ongoing existence of rubber duckies in our society is at peril!

The poor ducks are yet again being libelled as all being carriers of Bisphenol A or BPA, and words like “contamination” are being bandied about! And, they’re selling replacement “enviro-friendly” ducks here in Toronto for $10. Methinks this is just another scam to separate us from our hard-earned dollars, frankly.

I’m now very, very concerned about my own little Duck Family – I’m really hoping that the authorities don’t come and round them up in the middle of the night. I’ve encouraged them to go into hiding (or to move to Sudbury, Ontario, where duckies are valued highly – they have a Duck Derby every year with a top prize of $10,000 to the lucky duck who wins!) However, brave souls that they are, they are intending to march on Queen’s Park instead:

But fear not, all. Quack has advised me that they are calling in reinforcements to help them in this struggle for their very lives!

An obviously fabulous artist called Florentijn Hoffman is the genius behind them.

Take that, duck haters!!!

A very happy Wednesday to you all. Must go off and prepare the duck shelter now…

fun crafts and weird phone hotlines

2 Comments

Well, it’s back to the grind – but what better to kick off my working week with some craft ideas, one quick, one interesting if you’ve got a tortured brain like mine? (Besides, I figure I’d better have some craft content on here before my 10 or so regulars wander away).

First up: you, too, can look like a lace knitting genius in ten minutes or less* by making yourself a
fancy lace bracelet:
:

* more than 10 minutes if you actually want to knit the lace… but why not just pick some up and say you knitted it! and don’t quote me, either!

And now for another tip which has haunted and fascinated me since I came across the concept: a tutorial onHow to knit backwards:

And speaking of “backwards”, now for a wee rant. Sometimes I just hate reading the paper. You see, I learned this morning that our Minister for Public Safety, the Honourable Doris Stockwell Day:

in his infinite wisdom, had started up a snitch line for us upstanding citizens to report illegal immigrants by way of anonymous phone call. The Canadian Border Services monitor this line, and they say that “no information, however trivial it may seem, is too small.”

Well, guess what? According to today’s Glib and Stale Globe and Mail, that endeavour has apparently generated a large number of bizarre calls.

Why? Well, some people apparently like to make crank calls. Others, no doubt, are mentally challenged, wandering aimlessly without treatment since they started to defund certain medical services and close beds in certain facilities and are merely looking for company.

And… some other people like to make crank calls. I know this might be shocking to you, but it’s true. Of course, I personally have never made a crank call – unless, of course, you count those ones that we made from the church hall payphone when we were all about 12 and resenting having to go to Greek lessons – we’d phone 411 information and ask for “Hooker Heaven”, etc. and hang up giggling. And let me tell you, the priest was not best pleased when he found out we were doing this. But I digress.

Anyway, here’s the types of calls they’ve been getting:

  • Caller wants personal information about her husband, but doesn’t know when or when he was born.
  • Caller says that psychiatrist is forcing caller to take illegal medication
  • Caller says he is illegally in the country, and demands to be deported.
  • Caller states he has a problem. His wife’s family is interfering with his marriage and he doesn’t want them to come to Canada.
  • Caller would like to deport a couple of people from Canada and she would like the website address to fill out the proper forms.  Caller is advised that it is not her decision who gets deported. Caller does not care.

I particularly like that last one.  I can think of a few people I’d like to get deported, Stockwell Day and his boss Stephen Harper being at the top of that list!

Hmm… where is that website?  I need to get hold of that hotline number!

Happy Tuesday!

“Advised him to speak with his wife.”

another PayDay, another $50 out the window…

6 Comments

Well, yesterday being the Ides of May, I headed to the local yarn shop as usual.

And here’s what I got!

First, a skein of Blue Sky Alpacas cotton in the Curry colourway (pictured below in the middle).

I’m hoping to make the Delft top in the current issue of Interweave Knits with these colours (I had the red and the orange in the stash from past swaps).

Oh, you should all congratulate me on my extreme forebearance. Why? Because, even though they had a brand new shipment of Handmaiden products in, I did not buy Handmaiden yesterday. I didn’t even look at it.

Er, um… ahem… I should confess that this is only the case because I was so taken with the Blue Moon collection:

The colourway is called “Atomic” of all things. Cool, eh?

And damn and blast (and double and triple damn) Lettuce Knits for being only one of two stores in Canada for carrying the stuff!! They’re just a bunch of pushers, really. Sheesh. I really, really can’t be blamed for losing my head (even though a whole bunch of Blue Moon stuff is winging its way to me from the US as we speak).

Actually, with all of those kilometres of laceweight yarn due to arrive, maybe I could use one of these as well:



Do you think I could program it to make Shetland lace?

Hmm. Actually, I doubt it. It was probably intended to make more useful everyday items of wear such as this:

Just check out that hunk o’ burnin love, would you? That fancy top wouldn’t be staying on him too long in my vicinity, I can tell you!!!

Or, how about some toys for the kiddies?

A very topical set of toys, I should think, given all the talk about bullying in the news these days (and you can click the link if you want to see my view on this issue!).

And, just to end off the work-week, I thought I’d post my top three weblinks for today:

(a) Passive-Aggressive Notes: I figure we’ve all seen such notes from time to time, although of course I’ve never written one myself! (cough cough). I get a real kick out of this website.

(b) Stitchy McYarnpants: some very funny photos of vintage knits, together with commentary. And, she reminded me that I hadn’t looked at Passive-Aggressive Notes for a while. Thanks, Stitchy!

(c) Stephen Fry: he is a rather funny English actor and has recently set up a blog. I’m not sure what I prefer about it – reading his excellent writing or checking out the self-important commentators who either pretend to be buddies with him or pontificate using poor grammar and big words that they dont know how to spel.

Miaow!

Happy Friday!

for the love of coffee?

5 Comments

Warning: here comes a big sized rant about coffee snobbery. No fibre content whatsoever as today is PayDay and so I won’t have anything new to show until tomorrow. Please feel free to press your back button now.

Correspondingly, unless you have been reading my blog since March 2008 in which event you’ve already been subjected to my strong views on coffee: if you want background info on my coffee rants, feel free to click here for a tale on $400.00 per pound coffee, and here for my personal views on coffee consumption.

Now that you’ve been duly warned:

Yesterday morning, I was running a bit late for work.  This was unfortunate, as it meant I actually had to stand in line at the place I’ve been getting my coffee of late instead of just swanning to the front counter.

But, all guid.  I had my iPod in and was actually starting to groove with the wait.  That is, until I heard my regular coffee server asking the person in front of me how she could be helped.  The person in question was yakking on her cell phone, I should note.

After three polite requests by the coffee server, I was ready to butt into line.  Unfortunately, Ms Cellphone woke up around this point, told her caller to hold, and said.. wait for it:

“Gimme a coffee.”

Well.  Although she presented as such, I suspect this person was not Canadian.  Why?  Because:

(a) she said “gimme” rather than “Give me a coffee, please;

(b) she did not say “Oh, sorry, I kept you waiting… give me a coffee, please… and sorry”;

(c) she did not say “I’d like a a double double, please”; and

(d) she didn’t seem to appreciate that one has to specify the size of coffee one wants these days if one actually wants to get a coffee to take out.

Then again, her important phone call had been interrupted… not that I was willing to cut her any slack because I was waiting for my fix.

But I, despite whatever appearance I might give on this blog otherwise, am a polite Canadian person.  So, although I was fuming inside, I did not protest when the woman in front of me demanded to be shown each size of coffee cup available before deigning to choose which size she wanted (medium, as it happens).

Then came the other inevitable question from the beleaguered Patient Server (and believe you me, I’ve been there.  It is very, very painful to work in foodservice and to be forced to pull each choice out of the customer, let me tell you.  And if you don’t believe me, just ask my mother who was a deli queen for some years until she was forced to run screaming when the simple question “mustard or mayonnaise” started turning into “well, let me taste both and then decide”):

“Dark roast, light roast, or flavoured – today it’s irish cream…””

The answer from O Rude One, who had since recommenced yakking on her cell phone?

“DON’T YOU HAVE MEDIUM”???

(And yes, she was shouting.  I don’t use all caps lightly.)

The Patient Server said “No, we don’t have medium.”.  Now, if I were the Patient Server, at this point I would have quickly turned Impatient and said “Get your @$$ out of here and over to Starbucks, NOW”.

Ms Cellphone then said “Well, I want medium.”

And, let me tell you, it’s a very guid thing that I’m not serving coffee any more.  By this point, I would have pulled out the garotte.  But instead, the Patient Server said, “Well, I could give you half dark roast and half light roast, so that would be sort of medium, right?”

Well, my remaining swig of Diet Coke nearly exited my nostrils at this point (so, don’t feel too sorry for me, I wasn’t jonesing all that much for caffeine).  Good call, Patient Server.  And, in fact, Ms Cellphone accepted this solution, got her coffee and made way for me.  So much for coffee snobbery.

So, all was guid… until I got to the station where you actually fix the coffee and Ms Cellphone was still there lamenting the fact that they had run out of lids.  She actually tried to engage me in conversation on this point (“This is completely unacceptable.  They expect me to carry this coffee across the street to my office??? How dare they??? My boyfriend’s a lawyer and I should just sue them.”

Gentle Reader, I wish I could report that I tore a couple of strips off her at this point.  I didn’t.  Instead, I just reached underneath where I know they store the spare lids, took one for my own coffee, and walked away.

I did, however, drop an extra 50 cents in the tip cup on my way to picking up my breakfast bagel… and, by the way, when I paid for that at the front cash, the Friendly Cashier there told me that this same woman pulls that same stunt every single day – and, funnily enough, word had travelled to the back cash that I was to be treated extremely well because I had given an extra tip.

Moral of the story?

Tip generously – and if you’re used to getting to work before the rush hour, resist that temptation to hit the snooze button on the alarm.  Really.  It will save your sanity.

Happy Thursday!

Five Ways to Combat Your Fear of the Demon Weed

15 Comments

No, not that kind of weed.

Get your mind out of the gutter!!! Anyway, it’s (still) illegal.

What I was actually referring to is the kind that pops up in yards and gardens all over the place at this time of year, striking fear and loathing into the hearts of gardeners everywhere.

An example: the dreaded and much-maligned dandelion.

Now, my thumb is not green but black – must be all that tar in the smokes. All this to say, I have no clue about gardening. But I do think that dandelions are quite pretty:

See? What’s wrong with them? They’re bright and cheery. And they’re free, and they don’t take any work to maintain. So what’s the big deal?

Still not convinced? Well, maybe my five tips on combatting the affliction of weed hatred will convince you.

1. Start eating the leaves.

Yes, you can eat dandelion greens. My great grandmother did it for years – and she even drank the water they were boiled in (the appearance of which any smoker who has tried that time honoured quit smoking tip “empty your ashtray into a jar, fill with water, let marinate one week then keep bringing it out and looking at it when you’re jonesing for a smoke” will recognise). And, she lived to be 107! (well, I exaggerate a bit. But she was very old when she died).

I’ve also seen dandelion greens at the supermarket in certain ethnic neighbourhoods from time to time Even some of the top chefs have picked up on this dandelion trick and are serving dandelion salad. So, if they can serve it, so can you, right?

As for prep tips, don’t ask me. I wouldn’t touch them with a bargepole. But, as they are extremely healthy, you really should try some yourselves. I’m thinking about your best interests here.

2. Look for comparisons between other “real” plants that you have to pay for and tend.

If you do this, it may well be that you will stop seeing the necessity of shelling out your hard-earned bucks at the flower centre. Here’s an example:

I mean, do you see any difference, really? If anything, the dandelions are nicer looking because they don’t have those big ugly fuzzy brown spots in the middle!

3. Hunt down artistic depictions of the weed.

And yes, people do honour dread weeds such as the dandelion in art. Here are two examples.

This piece by Ann Beckley is called “Dandelion Lace:

Don’t you love the dandelion etching on the side?

And this piece is Myrna Oostrom is simply called “Dandelions”

Wow. I wish I could paint like that.

Anyway, works of art like these are important in that they help to remove the stigma of weed-dom.

4. Make a pros and cons list.

I have a deep dark secret to confess: I am a huge fan of pros and cons lists. Having said that, I’m not going to list the “cons” of letting weeds flourish here because you already know all of those. Here are some pros:

  • You don’t have to break your back any more doing all that weeding.
  • You can save all that money you spend every year on plants which end up dying half the time anyway when there is some freak snowstorm in June.
  • Got any neighbours you can’t stand? Letting your yard grow over with wees provided great fodder to piss them off.
  • Alternatively, having problems coming up with social chit chat with the neighbours? Let your yard grow over with weeds, then you can casually ask them how they cope with weeds in their yard. I imagine that this is good for hours of pleasantries.
  • You will have lots of extra time for fun things… such as knitting, for example.

Which leads us to the fifth and final tip…

5. Check out yarn inspirations.

There are even knitting yarns named after weeds. And let me tell you, fondling a skein of Handmaiden Dandelion sea silk could probably change your mind about a whole lot of things:

For some reason, I haven’t quite managed to get my hot little mitts on any of this glorious stuff yet. But, after all, it is PayDay tomorrow!

Here’s a little challenge for you. Below is a photo of more Handmaiden colourways.

Tell me which one is named after a (sort of) weed – and provide the name. I’ll post the link to the answers here tomorrow. Hint – each colourway has one word in the name only.

See, weeds can be fun. Go forth and let them multiply, I exhort you!

Happy Weednesday Wednesday!

pride goeth before some serious ripping

11 Comments

Well, it’s official.  I’m not actually a genius.

(I know it has taken in until quite late in the day today to make this admission.  But it was really, really hard to come to terms with ).

You see, I always wanted to be a designer when I grew up.  And, silly me, I thought this meant that I could just sit down one day and whip up a lovely designer item right off the needles!

Yes, yes, I know that all the other designers actually sit down with graph paper, pen and pencil, maybe even a sketchbook.  But I have another dire confession to make… I can’t draw.  And … graph paper?  Man, I didn’t skip maths class for nothing all those years!  Why would I, Genius of all Geniuses, need to use graph paper?!)

Well, colour me dorky.

I spent much of yesterday coming up with the ideal, most brilliant lace design of all.  But – it doesn’t work… because I don’t have graph paper.

(At least, that’s what I’m telling myself!)

And, my brain is just not big enough to fit all those little diagrams.

Man o man, do I ever feel humble now.  Icarus (the real almost-god one, not this one:

has nothing on me.)

To top it off, they didn’t bother to tell us that they’d be testing the fire alarm system at the office for half the day today… intermittently!

RRRRRRRING… RRRRRRRRRING….

Aughghghgh!

So, I’m off to hunt down some safety pins to make this Safety Pin Jacket:

And then I’m off to Currys to buy some… you guessed it!… graph paper.

I figure that I might as well do something productive!  Hard to accomplish, when one’s brain looks something like this:

Happy Monday (um, er, I guess).  Hope you’re having a fun one, at any rate!

tallest freestanding tower in… Legoland!

7 Comments

Well, it’s not quite the CN Tower…

… but pretty impressive all the same.

I present to you – the world’s tallest Lego tower!!!

It was built in the Legoland Windsor theme park in the U.K. of 500,000 LEGO bricks – man, I only wish my mother would have let me have so much Lego when I was a kid!

At just under 100 feet high, it breaks the old record of 96.1 feet from August 2007 by more than three feet.

Colourful, and amusing: kind of like this Bollywood spoof of Barack Obama’s campaign that someone sent me yesterday, called Barack O’Bollywood. “Bollywood”, if you haven’t heard this term, is shorthand for a certain style of musical movies made in India, very cheesy and camp but with fab dancing. So, even if you don’t like Obama, check this out!

(I think he’s rather hot myself. Don’t tell JJ, eh?)

I’m a happy camper today because two seasons’ worth of Fry and Laurie DVDs came my way courtesy of the interlibrary loan system!

Which meant that I laughed my @$$ off all last night while watching them. I’d never seen the series before.

In case one of these guys looks familiar but you can’t place him – it’s Dr. House on the right above, and the left here:

Nice shirt, eh?

Anyway, that’s about it for me. No huge plans for the weekend… but it’s JJs PayDay, meaning large food shopping. I know you’ll be looking forward to that particular post!

Happy Friday!

**************