disorderly houses

I’m never sure whether to kiss or curse JJ for introducing me to TV culture as he sees it (before moving in with him, the only TV I watched was Law and Order reruns. I had actually lived for the first seven or eight years in Toronto without a TV set – and this before internet days!!! How did I amuse myself?! Don’t ask).

Because of his evil influence, I am watching way too much of the offerings on the House and Design channel. One of my favourite TV shows these days is How Not To Decorate – which features two really camp gay Scottish guys telling people off for their home design faux pas.

Last night I was watching Colin and Justin’s latest programme and hooting at the incredibly bad taste of yet another couple. JJ said to me, “You should take a look in the mirror at yourself.”

WHAT?!?!?!

KB: Well, I don’t know that they’d favour all of the piles of newspaper and old mail that you keep in the living room, but aside from that, what is wrong with the decor in this place?

JJ: Tek a luik around ye, lassie. The only nice things are the thing ye’ve made, and ye cannae enjoy them for the rest of the junk.

This exchange gave me sulking rights for the rest of the evening. But today when I got home from work I came to appreciate his point.

First, I went into the spare room to try to excavate tonight’s dinner from the deep freezer:

This is the Rowan’s All Seasons Cotton destined for my Tilted Duster.

JJ has a point. It does look a bit junky.

So – I replaced it all with this:

My latest yarn acquisition – some Needful Kim (cotton/acrylic) which I bought on Sunday because it was gloomy out and I thought some summer yarn would cheer me up. It worked.

As I left the spare room, I took a look at some of my art in the corridor leading back to the living room:

Well Known Trite Student Dig Art Piece No. 1; and

Slightly lesser known sister of Well Known Trite Student Dig Art Piece No. 1.

Hmm.

On to the living room:

Perrier Ad Mounted on Particleboard (acquired at the Goodwill Gallery for $5 about 10 years ago); and

Perrier Ad #2 Mounted on Particleboard (also acquired at the Goodwill Gallery for $5 about 10 years ago).

Hey! It’s a diptych!!! It must at least have doubled in value now, don’t you think? And I don’t think that the beige background colour is nicotine stain… is it?

And here are my artistic arrangements which are so lovingly displayed on the IKEA “Billy” bookshelf which I got free with an apartment about 12 years ago (is it true, by the way, that everyone in the western world has owned a “Billy” at some point? I have three):

Emergency wind-up radio, Betty Boop music box, valuable Greek antique wine set, personalised demitasse cups, yarn, antique candles, and reindeer. C. 2004.

Air Freshener #1, radio cord for stereo, Goodwill coffee cup/loonie holder for laundry, valuable tin soldier collection (JJs), CDs, cigarette packet, penny jar and important mail (c. 2004-2007); and

Stereo Speaker No. 1, brass telescope from Winners, Air Freshener No. 2 and Stereo Speaker No. 2 (c. 2004).

All extremely valuable items, no?

And, let’s not forget the ultra-rare Greek Antiquities Collection. Really, I should take some of this stuff on the trip to England and see if the British Museum wants to display it together with the Elgin Marbles!

Then again, maybe not.

It’s just lucky we don’t live in Quebec, where it is a criminal offence to keep a disorderly house.

I do hope, upon sober second thought, that Colin and Justin do not drop by (which well they might, given that they now stay in Toronto part-time and are from Glasgow like JJ – they probably know each other!). We’re probably too far gone even for their help.

JJ: Ah told ye so.

KB: Ah, shurrup, Jimmy!!!

It’s my blog, so of course I get the last word!

A terrific Tuesday to you all. And a very happy birthday to Ronnie Corbett, compatriot of JJs but much funnier than him (ducking to avoid TV remote sailing toward my head)…

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