I know, I know – it’s been a very, very long hiatus this time. And after all this time away, I only have two – well, three, really – words for you:

It’s ()*()#$*@#()$*#()@ cold!!!!!!

And I mean, really $#)(*@)(!*@)( cold.  Something like minus 27,010 degrees C (or minus 40,897 degrees F – plus or minus 10,000 negative degrees or so). 

So )(*$)#(%)#$(%* cold, in fact, that I’ve had to resort to this sort of gear – in the apartment!

Even puir wee JJ, he of hardy Viking stock and all (or so he has led me to believe, although every time I ask him for written proof he tells me that the bloody English burned it all about 300 years ago!), is feeling a chill:

(And WordPress is apparently feeling the pain – as these photos appear to be frozen to the left side of the screen.)

“So what’s the big deal?” I imagine you’re all thinking by this point.  “She’s been too lazy to post for a month or so, and all she can whine about now is ‘It’s so cold… and it’s January!’  WAH.  Someone should remind her that she lives in CANADA for ()*)%#)($*)@#(‘s sake!!!  What is it with these Canajans, always moaning about the weather?!?”

Well, welcome to my increasingly irritating world.  Because, dear readers, last night what do you think the top stories were on the evening news?  Curious?  No?  Well, I’m going to tell you anyway:

1.   It’s cold.

2.  It’s going to get colder.

3.  I mean, it’s going to be REALLY cold tomorrow.

4.  Don’t forget about that windchill effect – which makes it feel as though it’s even colder.

5.  Don’t forget your gloves, because it’s going to be SO cold that your fingers could start freezing off in 15 minutes (I am NOT making this up, by the way).

And so on, and so forth.  I thought I had actually turned on the Weather Network by accident, until around 20 minutes in they mentioned something about that guy Obama south of the border … ah, so there really IS some news going on?  Oh, wait – that’s not actually going to be news until next Tuesday.

(I also had flashbacks to public school days where we were forced to read books like “Call of the North” and learn that if you spit in the air at 50 below zero Fahrenheit, it freezes.  Funnily enough, this is some of the only information from those halcyon days that seem to stick in my brain – I wish that I could remember arithmetic classes instead, really.)

Am I the only one who is driven crazy by the evening news?  Or am I just frostbitten between the ears?

Anyway, it’s all enough to drive someone to…

So, what have I been doing with myself anyway?  Well, one of these days when I manage to get the batteries for my camera charged, I will come back and show you.

In the meantime, I leave you with the following:

1.  Stay warm!; and

2.  Did you know that for only $3.29 per day (or less than the price of a mocha soy chai latte at The Evil Coffee Multiconglomerate Which Shall Remain Nameless), you, too, can sponsor a puir wee snowbound duckie?

Send your cash or certified funds to Brouhaha today – for January and February to start, please.  You’ll have to do the math.  I trust you.).  For more information – well, you know where to find me – somewhere in front of a space heater in Toronto.

Happy Wednesday!